Kiss Me Goodnight
by The Lady Gen
Summary: Caught up in the turmoil of the War, Hermione and Snape begin a physical relationship which becomes threatened when Hermione places herself in a compromising situation by becoming an Auror. Suddenly Snape can no longer protect her. Marriage Law.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Harry Potter. J.K Rowling does. I had previously written an HP SS/HG but I felt it was going nowhere. I felt like writing a SS/HG, a solid one. I got inspired by reading some very good ones lately, especially by the infamous Lady Serade. Lovely work. Well here goes.

_**Brief Summary: Hermione Granger is in her last year of Hogwarts. She is the celebrated Gryffindor Princess. As head girl, she is allotted her own room and the privacy to engage in a secret relationship with the Potions Master. Tensions are high and they are in the middle of the War. No one knows when the Wizarding world will regain it's sanity. Hermione and Snape's relationship has been going on for six months. Working for both sides as a Spy, it is imperative for Snape that no one knows the status of their relationship, both for Snape's sake as well as Hermione's. Snape does the best he can to maintain her safety, but will that be enough? Will his efforts be enough or will they drive her away?**_

_**Chapter 1: Consider This**_

Hermione sat with a loud **thump** in her chair as she frowned at the dusty books in front of her. Hours earlier, she been sniping about how bored she was and how eager she would be to help with the war effort. No one had been in the room except Ron and Professor Snape.

Ron had been snoring away curled up on the divan, while Snape had been perusing his Potion specialty books in search for a quicker remedy to staunch internal bleeding.

The hour had been late in the evening. The house was empty and only Hermione and Ron had been left behind while the rest of the Order was out on tasks, doing various research or on guard duty that night.

Wistfully, Hermione mentioned practicing defense spells. That's when Professor Snape frowned and then set down the book he was reading.

"Really, Ms. Granger, your inability to look for the obvious astounds me." Waving his wand, he summoned three stacks of dusty tomes and maneuvered them towards Hermione's feet.

"Dust these" he ordered.

Ron snorted in his sleep while Hermione grimaced.

"Severus..." she began. Snape lowered his book and growled.

"It's Snape!" he whispered in a fierce tone. Hermione glanced at Ron and shrugged.

"He's asleep."

"It does not matter" Snape murmured. Ron snorted again and frown lines appeared in Snape's forehead.

"Just do it" Snape told her. He went back to his book.

Hermione tentatively lifted the cover of the nearest book to her and began to cough. Clouds of heavy dust floated out.

Severus smirked.

"Attack those" he told her from behind his book.

"I don't think so" Hermione murmured. "I have a touch of Asthma, as you know, I think I will ...go practice defense spells" she rushed out in a hurry, mumbling the last of her words. Knocking the stacks of books down, she scrambled out of her chair and out of the sitting room. The door to the basement shut with a bang.

Severus put down his book and sighed. Ron still snored serenely on the divan.

Down in the Basement, Hermione stretched out. Placing her her legs on either side, she bent and grabbed an ankle and held it as she stretched her hamstrings. Doing both legs, she flexed her fingers and leaned back, relaxing her lower back.

"To what do I owe this mood swing?" Severus asked, standing behind her. Normally, Hermione would have startled, surprised at a sudden appearance from behind her. But she knew Severus, and she knew that he was going to follow her to the basement.

"It's good to be prepared" she told him, now flexing and pointing her toes.

"I would have given you pickled Newt tails to prepare" he told her silkily. Hermione grimaced.

"I know" she said. Turning over onto her stomach, she began doing push ups. Snape watched her as her forehead beaded with sweat.

"Then why am I finding you doing this?" he asked.

"Look, I told you before, it's good to be prepared" Hermione huffed.

"The last few weeks, you and I have been preparing medicinal potions as well as researching. I thought that you would have been content with these efforts."

"I was" Hermione gasped before lowering herself in exhaustion on the floor. "My wand arm needs toning up" she said absently, rubbing her right bicep.

"I am not a foolish Wizard, Hermione. If I was, the Dark Lord would have killed me years ago. What is going on here?"

"Nothing, Sir" Hermione said, getting to her feet. Flicking out her wand, she began to warm up with some simple defense spells, aiming at the concrete wall that had been magicked to accept such treatment.

"_Accio_ Hermione's wand"

"Hey!" Hermione turned around, face red. "What are you doing?"

"What are you at child?" Snape asked, holding her wand away from her grasp.

"Like I told you, before " Hermione began with exasperation "It does not hurt to be prepared."

"Doing research and brewing does not require you to have an extensive grasp of the Defense against the Dark Arts."

"Things might change" Hermione told him.

"How so?" Snape asked evenly, his face going white. Hermione looked away and began to fidget with her hair which was tied back in a bun.

"Harry needs help" she told him. "The war is not ending like you had predicted months ago." Severus nodded.

"Give me my wand please" Hermione asked.

"Continue" Snape told her.

"We are not in a classroom, Severus. I do not need to obey you."

With a swirl of black robes, Hermione felt herself being pressed against the stone wall. Snape's hand was cupping her throat. It was not a tight hold, but it was a hold nonetheless.

"When we began this relationship, I told you there were certain standards that you needed to meet" Snape breathed into her ear.

Hermione closed her eyes and nodded in remembrance.

"One them was that you would not seek out dangerous situations to place yourself in. You are kept safe by the merest thread of luck. If the Dark Lord ever finds out my regard for you, do not think yourself safe. He would kill you in a heartbeat. As it is, I will not hear of you deliberately placing yourself in dangerous situations just because that idiot Potter needs help!"

"But don't you want me to be prepared?" Hermione asked. Severus slammed his fists against the wall, this time making her jump.

"That word again!" Snape let go of the wall and paced the room in frustration. "I cannot protect you when I am distracted. Going off with Potter on his idiotic escapades..."

"You cannot protect me always" Hermione said in a small voice. "Did you read the paper?"

"What are you referring to?"Severus asked, his face warning her not to change the subject.

"The upcoming marriage law."

Severus tossed Hermione her wand. She caught it and held it to her chest.

"I did, and it will be months before they can pass it."

"Whose side came up with it?"  
"Does it matter?" Snape asked. Hermione looked at her shoes.

"It would be the worse case scenario actually if it was the Light that came up with it" she said."Knowing that they are stripping away our rights but hiding it under so called mandatory laws, is the guise of totalitarianism."

"The Wizarding population is declining" he told her. "But there is time. Meanwhile, this law would speak devastation regardless of who is pushing, you are right though in that the Light does want it...but so does another group."

"They both want it" Hermione said in a surprised voice.

"Yes"

Suddenly Snape was beside her and then Hermione was pinned to the floor. Her wand clattered several feet away.

"You cannot even disarm me, Granger" Snape breathed in her ear as he grasped hanks of her bushy brown hair.

"You didn't mention it" Hermione whispered.

"Good" Snape whispered "Because I apparently don't have to. You are not prepared Granger." He pushed up Hermione's tee-shirt and began fingering her stomach, hands searching higher and higher.

He began to nip in the sensitive spot just below her ribs.

"Have you been reviewing your Charm work for the NEWTS?"

"I felt I did enough" Hermione told him. Severus moved her shirt to reveal a plain white bra. Placing his wide palms over the cups, he began to massage her through the material.

Hermione made a small noise of pleasure before her head snapped up, "Wait" she gasped. "Ron is still up there!"

"Muffliato and a small detection spell to warn us. That Dunderhead wouldn't wake up if the house was surrounded by Death Eaters." Snape replied in a muffled voice as he grabbed Hermione's bra with his teeth and ripped it aside.

Hermione struggled to raise herself, wanting to be on fair ground with Severus, but Snape held her back.

"Are you prepared?" He grounded out, moving his hands over naked upper body.

Hermione shifted and raised her hand. Brushing a stringy lank of hair out of his eyes, she said in a clear voice

"Always."

Later...

Getting dressed, they did not dawdle. They each did what they could to relieve the tension that had built up inside of the of them, but they did not kiss.

They did not hold one another and comfort one another.

They never mentioned love.

Neither of them was sure about the extent of their feelings for each. With the war and people from both sides dying daily, it seemed frivolous (despite what Dumbledore claimed) to speak of love. It made more sense to find a physical release.

Inside her girlish heart, Hermione however entertained notions of them possibly building a real relationship one day, one that was out in the open. She was young and therefore she thought this way. She never had a lover cut down before her very eyes. She had never been responsible for the life of somebody she loved. With the exception Harry's safety, she never had to protect someone that she cared for.

She never experienced loss. Not yet anyways.

Snape had, and he remembered these things all too well.

Snape harbored no such illusions about love and fairy dust. Although almost 18 years had passed since the Dark Lord cut Lily down in the prime of her life, he could never forget that it was _he_ who was responsible for her early demise. The person he had loved most dearly had ultimately died because of his betrayal. He held no fantasies about love and happily ever after. Time had proven him wrong. Fate was his adversary.

That's why there was never any actual intercourse.

Snape never penetrated Hermione. They found other ways to pleasure themselves. The Potion Master was a skillful lover and could bring his partner to completion in any situation. Hermione found this most becoming about him, however she pleaded for the actuality of true love making.

He always denied her.

He told her that one day she would find a Wizard worthy of her affection and until then, she should keep herself for him. Hermione protested, saying that what he was professing was archaic and devoid of feminist ideals. She should be wanted for herself, and not her hymen.

He never listened.

Sometimes, she thought she stood a better chance of getting a wall to understand her. He was so hard and impenetrable. It infuriated her that he held up his hand to her and refused to listen to her, especially after sharing intimacies with him! He treated her like a first year.

Honestly!

The only way to get through to him, was to treat him in kind.

Inwardly, Hermione sighed as she watched Snape adjust his robes to his usual neat severity. She wanted him, and it was wrong of her. The age difference, the fact that he was her Professor, the ultimate fact that he was...well he was Severus Snape for crying out loud! All those things should have stopped her from kissing him in the Astronomy Tower last fall. As soon as his lips touched hers, all thoughts, incohorenet, reasonable, or otherwise, left her. She could only think of what he was doing to her. It was only later that she wondered, "Why?"

Hermione blamed it on the compulsivity of her age. Hormones. The war. She wondered what drove the Potions Masters to even entertain the notion of touching her, let alone talk to her without scathing remarks.

Mutual respect could only go so far. Although she touched his body and he hers, there was always so much distance in his eyes.

Hogwarts...

Hermione sat for her NEWTs exams.

She was not nervous of the actual test material. She knew this. Having memorized nearly all of her Seventh year books and notes, she was more than prepared. She was the bloody brightest witch of her age! Remus Lupin had declared her correctly all those years ago Therefore, it was with an air of calm assurance that she stepped into the first examination room for the beginning of the NEWTs.

Offering her fellow classmates smiles of reassurance, she calmly sharpened her quill in preparation. Without turning around, she knew that he was in the room as well. She knew that he was watching her. He was always watching her.

It comforted her and made the exams go by much quicker.

She heard heard the whisper of Severus's robes in the hallways and in the back of the rooms. She heard him conferring with other teachers and the exam officials. She saw him briefly during exam breaks. He watched her progress closely.

Hermione did not feel nervous as he watched her enter the room for the NEWT's Potion exam, or Arithmathcy, or Charms.

She felt the heat of his gaze though, when she entered the room for DADA.

Hermione had not told him that she was going to take the exams qualifying for the Auror academy.


	2. Chapter 2

"To Courage!"

For the leaving Feast, Hermione finished tying her school tie and adjusted her robes, preparing herself mentally to go down to the Great Hall and face all her classmates and Professors.

Her shoulders tingled as she thought of Professor Snape.

Her face still felt flushed as she remembered the searing heat of his gaze when she entered the Defense Against the Dark Arts examination room. She had done brilliantly that day, surpassing Ron and almost beating out Harry.

However the glory of her day was stolen from her when she saw the Potion Masters face.

He was not amused. His dark eyes held anger and disgust! Disgust!

Ducking her head shyly and hurriedly shaking the hand of the Auror Recruiter, Hermione raced out to the hallway and was not seen for the rest of the day.

Because it was summer, most of the students had convened at the Black Lake. Swimming and tossing treats to the giant squid, they had found relaxation from the warmth of the Hogwart's grounds and the summer sun, well, all except Hermione.

She had cast a cooling charm in the empty dormitory and had curled up on her canopy bed with the curtains drawn.

Now that her exams were done, she was glad for the chance of mental relaxation, the quiet respite. She was disappointed and frustrated however when it did not come so easily.

She felt guilty in her heart, although she did not know why. To be sure, she cared for Snape, and she was attracted to him. The forces that drew their paths together were dark and perilous, and yet she did not begrudge fate for bringing him to her. But still guilt lingered, because she knew becoming an Auror was something that he did not wish for her, especially with the War.

She only knew that she had to contribute to the War and the preservation of the wizarding world, and becoming an Auror seemed the best way possible. It was dangerous and yet, Hermione felt that all the years she had been sheparding Ron and Harry through Hogwarts had prepared her for this kind of work. It was where she belonged.

She was small but she knew she had strength. Her brilliance in Potion work and Spells would give her the edge up she needed to become proficient in defense.

Yes, this was where she felt most comfortable. Nobody questioned her descision. She was Harry Potter's best friend and everyone more or less assumed that she would follow him wherever he went. Ron too.

Everyone in the Order would applaud her descision. Her parents were dead, murdered the previous year, so there were no ties to holding her to the muggle world. She had to do what she could to tie herself to the wizarding world and cement her status in it. She promised that she would make the wizarding world proud of her.

The Potion Master had looked disgusted today.

Hermione wanted to cry for disappointing him, but damn! She had no choice and it was where she belonged. She knew that Severus cared for her, but he was not in love with her. His protective urges sprang from years being a teacher and seeing Hermione as a child.

Well, she was an adult now. Even though she was still dressed like a student, albeit for the last time, she felt all the cares and worries of an adult wizard today.

Running her fingers through he bushy brown hair, she glanced at the Sleakeazy's Potion on the dresser. There was no time. Her hair would have to remain it's bushy self today.

Steeling herself, she went out into the Common Room and through the Portrait hole.

At the Feast...

Hermione laughed with Harry and Ron. For awhile, it felt like the War wasn't happening. She smiled indulgently while Ron inhaled copious amounts of food. She looked on with warmth while Harry had his arm around Ginny, while she held his hand. Everything seemed warm and safe. The ceiling was glittered with stars and moonbeams, giving the Hall the air of serenity and peace.

She knew that the Potion's Master was looking down at her from the dias, but she found that she didn't care anymore. Let him think what he wanted. After all, he was not in love with her, he made that clear from the start.

She wished that he was. It would ease the stark terror in her heart when she thought about the upcoming marriage law. Harry had Ginny, Ron had Lavender and no doubt there would a pity part conducted by Mrs. Weasley to push forth a Weasley Candidate for Hermione.

Inwardly Hermione cringed at the thought of George or Fred crawling across the bed covers at night. No doubt they would put a prank or joke in her lingerie drawer and think it a turn on.

No, definitely not a Weasley.

But not a Snape, because he did not want her.

What he wanted was Harry's mother Lily. He never said her name in Hermione's presence but she could put two and two together. The pictures of her hidden in a drawer in his study, his penchant for women with green eyes, his lack of personal relationships,and lastly his doe patronus.

Hermione knew. Nobody else had a clue, but she knew where the Potion Master's heart lay.

It was buried with a dead woman.

But Hermione was not dead and she knew it. Whatever lay outside this school, tomorrow, as well as the outcome of the War was for the living.

Hermione raised her goblet and rose to her feet, Ron and Harry looked at her expectantly.

"To courage!" she said. The boys rose and raised their goblets.

"To courage" they echoed her. Chairs scraped and the Gryffindor table stood up.

"To courage" they chorused.

Turning around slightly, Hermione raised her glass to the teacher's table.

"Well?" her mind asked. Snape looked down at her, his hooked nose long and menacing.

"To courage!" Dumbledore boomed.

_ "To living" she thought. "Because that's what it takes to live, courage. Severus Snape is a coward."_

Hermione smiled as she said a silent goodbye to her childhood home.

Grimmauld Place...

Hermione winced as the cold water ran red. Blood dripped onto the white porcelain basin. A huge gash on her cheekbone gushed blood.

A simple Episkey would have done it. Then again, the cut was on Hermione's face, the skin was delicate and more prone to scarring if it wasn't done right. Harry and Ron would have done it anyways, not caring if it scarred. Particularly Ron. He would have thought that the scar looked macho.

She sighed and decided that she would wait until Mrs. Weasley got here tomorrow. She would know how to fix it without overdue scarring. Fred and George were always blowing things up around Ginny.

She stripped off her Auror training robes and left them in a pile on the bathroom floor. Wearing a blood spattered tank top and shorts, she left for the kitchen to get some water and muggle aspirin that she had stored there.

Sitting at the kitchen table was Sirius Black. Drinking coffee and reading a newspaper, he barely glanced up as Hermione went quickly to the cabinets to pull down a glass and the aspirin.

"You know thats going to scar" he said, without looking up from his paper.

"Yes, I know. I am just waiting for Molly to get here tomorrow. She will know something to fix it."

"I can do it" he offered.

Hermione paused as she set down her glass, half filled. "Really? You know how?" she asked cautiously.

"I do indeed" the ex-marauder smirked. "Being on the run, well, you learn how to take care of and heal yourself."

"I know how to do Episkey" Hermione told him. " If it was just that, I would go ahead and do it myself, but it might scar. I am sure that you know how do it as well too, but scarring does not strike me as a priority on your list of survival skills whist on the run."

"No, it wasn't" he admitted, looking down at his forearm, which was crisscrossed with fine webs of scars. "I have my scars because I did not care. In fact, I thought that I deserve them. I still do."

Hermione was silent as she watched him.

"Still, it does not mean that I do not know the finer work of keeping scars off a lovely young woman's face."

Hermione smirked. "Easy there, Black."

Spreading his hands in front of him, Sirius gave a small smile. "I mean no harm Hermione."

"You reminded me of Lucius Malfoy for a moment."

"Please do not link me to the Purist Ass" Sirius said.

"You are related to him" Hermione said.

"And Hitler liked dogs, so what?" Sirius told her. "Thats the trouble with the wizarding world today. Everyone is related to everyone. This Marriage Law was something that was talked about in my youth. Now the need is greater. We are slowly dying out. The War is making things happen quicker."

"I wonder why...well the Dark Lord does not realize this and quit it" Hermione pondered aloud. "You are right and if this keeps up he will have nothing to rule over."

"I think he is trusting the Ministry to come up with this asinine law. Dirty work first and then more dirty later."

"Yes. I suppose. Someone told me awhile ago that both sides, Dark and Light wanted this Law."

"Was it the Greasy git?"

"What?" Hermione's brain went on alert. She licked her lips and told herself to choose her words carefully.

"Snape. Was it Snape?" Sirius asked.

"Yes. He told me" Hermione said in a calm tone.

"I know, Hermione. No need to play demure with me."

"Know what?" Hermione's face was calm but inward her heart was dancing a polka.

"Do you really wish for me to say it aloud?" Sirius asked with a grin on his face. "From the first time I could smell him all over you."

"That's disgusting!" Hermione cried. "You pervert..."

"No my dear, he is disgusting, and well...a pervert...who can that be?" He chuckled darkly.

"How dare you!"

"How dare him?" Sirius asked. "Really, Hermione, where did you famous brain go? Was he playing mind games on you? Did he Imperio you? Because, frankly thats the only way I could imagine you letting him touch you."

"He did neither of those things" Hermione said. She grabbed her glass of water and aspirin and sat down at the table.

"He was a perfect gentleman." Hermione thought of Severus's long white fingers and how strong they were.

"Hmm..." Sirius said. "You really need to let me fix that cheek."

"I told you that I was going to wait for Molly."

Hermione gasped as she felt the tip of Sirius's wand against her face.

"Delite Perfecto" he murmured. Hermione felt her skin tingle as it knit itself together.

"There" Sirius said drawing back as he surveyed his work. "There is a fine line, but it should disappear, much quicker than a scar."

"I hope so," Hermione murmured, still fazed. "Or I am going to find you and have Kreacher put something horrible in your tea."

"He is all too willing" Sirius said with a smile. Hermione smiled back at him and downed her aspirin and water.

"Thank you Sirius. I trust that you won't tell anyone about me and Snape?"

"Why should I? It's not continuing anymore, is it?"

No, it isn't. I suppose you could smell that?"

Sirius nodded. "I am trying not to judge you. People do odd things in the time of War. It's not like you are Peter and you betrayed a friend."

"I think you judge people too much, Sirius" Hermione told him "But then again, given your past, maybe its to be expected."

"Sometimes I have to judge quickly in order to protect those I love. I loved James and Lily. I always had my doubts about Peter."

"I'm sorry" Hermione said, unsure of what to say.

"Don't be" Sirius waved his hand."Look, before you go to bed. There is something that I want to talk to you about."

"Are the boys sleeping?" Hermione asked. Sirius nodded. He pushed his newspaper and wand to the side and then leaned over and grasped Hermione's hands.

"It's about the marriage law." Hermione nodded.

"Well, you must know that you have to be with someone in the Order."

"For protection" Hermione mumbled.

"Yes" Sirius said. "Well, you must know that I understand your predicament. Ron is with Lavender and they will no doubt get approved and Ginny is with Harry. I know that leaves you out."

"Why, Sirius, are you proposing?" Hermione quipped dryly, removing her hands from out under his.

"No. I am suggesting Remus."

"Remus?" Hermione was dumbstruck.

"He would never ask you himself. But it could be the saving of both you. You wouldn't have to escape from the clutches of a known Death Eater like that runt Malfoy, and Remus wouldn't be branded as a Werewolf outcast."

"He talked to you about this?" Hermione rasped out, fumbling for her almost near empty water glass.

"No. I told you, he would never think to approach you, or even to think of you...in that way."

"What makes you think _I_ think of him that way?" Hermione said in an angry voice.

"I am not saying that you have a penchant for old men, Hermione. But with the thing with Snape, I would think that you would be a bit more open minded. The wizarding world is used to marriages where the groom is considerably older than the bride."

"Remus" Hermione whispered.

"You would be saving him" Sirius reminded her.

Hermione nodded and then stood up. Without looking back, she went upstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

Omg, Thank you guys for your wonder wonderful reviews. I am so pleased! I think I giggled like a little girl when I read the one from Loyd1989. Thank you! Thank you all!

*I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, Snape never would have kicked the bucket.

"Losing all Illusions"

Hermione, Ron and Harry, all limped home each day to Grimmauld Place for a week. This was the beginning of their most intense phase of physical training. The training situations ranged from dire to rediculous. On a Tuesday morning, Hermione found herself tossed into a pile of quick sand while the boys looked on and laughed.

For the first time, Hermione felt the sting of being the only witch in a class of male Auror trainees. She did her best to smile and wade out of it by the skin of her fingernails. Inwardly, she seethed. If it was Ron, and Ron did have a penchant for the foolish and clumsy, they would have laughed, for three seconds, and then offered encouragement or help.

In the beginning Hermione had expected a sort of comradeship with Tonks because they were both female and Aurors, although Hermione was just a trainee. This was not to be however. For some reasons, unsaid, Tonks did not like Hermione. She was civil to her in meetings and when they crossed path's in the Auror Training department they would nod to each other, but Hermione always detected an air of coldness and an edge of hostility.

Hermione knew that she was not going to take her proposal to Remus well. Although they were no longer a couple, Hermione knew that Tonks still held a torch for her old beau. She did not know the particulars of their breakup, but Hermione guessed that Remus did not feel the same and that he was the one that ended it.

Yes, it was going to drive Tonks mad when she found out.

Hermione knew she had to ask him soon. Already Ron and Harry were planning their weddings before the Marriage Law went into effect. It was better to get things done before the Law was legally established so that they didn't have to have a ministry official hovering at the wedding and around the first night together to ensure consummation.

For Remus's sake, it was also better to wed before the Law went into effect to ensure that Hermione could indeed marry him and legitimize his presence in the Wizarding world. Both Hermione and Sirius feared that if anyone official knew that Hermione planned to marry Remus, they would stop her and demand that she marry someone else.

Hermione had a little bit of money saved from her parent's estate, but not much else. As a Trainee, she would not be getting paid. Remus was working for the Order and in his spare time did some small jobs for Ollivanders, but Hermione suspected it did not pay much.

Sirius assured her that he would help, even let them stay at Grimmauld Place. Hermione accepted his offer without enthusiasm. Over and over she kept telling herself that was doing this to save him. It was the right thing to do. It was acceptable for his best friend to help them out.

She felt alone a sea of hostility and uncertainty. She would accept help from any place that she could get.

When she came home on Friday night, she cleaned up slowly and declined the boy's offer for company. She told them she wanted to rest and put some salve on her bruises. They bid her goodnight and went to the Leaky Cauldron for dinner and drinks. She was alone in the house, save for Sirius and Remus.

Remus. Oh Gods.

Sirius gave her an encouraging smile when she finally went in the direction of Remus's bedroom.

She tapped on it nervously and waited. She heard a meowing in the corner and knew that Crookshanks had followed her.

"Hermione?" Remus was surprised.

"Hello Remus" she said pleasantly. Remus looked over her shoulder.

"The boys went to the Leaky Cauldron" she said.

"Oh, I see. Is there something I can help you with?"

"Umm...Yes there is. Can we talk?" Remus started to gesture her inside, but then he went pink.

"I don't think it's appropriate to talk in here" he said.

"Yes" Hermione agreed quickly. "In the Library?"

"Yes" Remus said, apparently relieved.

Together they walked down the creaking wooden steps and into the dark Library. It was cold and drafty. Remus crossed the room and stood next to the fireplace. Murmuring a spell, he pointed his wand and a flame roared to life. Soon the logs were cackling and the room began to fill with warmth.

"This better?" he asked.

"Much" Hermione. "Thank you"

She sat on a battered old sofa and Remus took a seat in the arm chair across from her.

Remus looked at her patiently while Hermione struggled to find the words that she needed to say.

"Have you heard about the Law" Hermione asked.

"I'm assuming you are talking about the Marriage Law?" Remus said. He was frowning.

"Yes. It's about to pass soon."

"So I hear. Have you found someone...Ron perhaps?"

"Ron and Lavender are planning their wedding. I thought that you knew."

Remus sighed and rubbed his hands together.

"So much passes me by these days."

"This going to affect you" Hermione said quietly. Remus looked at her.

"Sirius put you up to this, didn't her?"Remus grimaced angrily.

"It wasn't just him. I need a partner Remus."

"Someone else in the Order then, or another Weasley."

"No" Hermione shook her head.

"There has to be someone else, someone better."

"There is no one."

"Hermione, look at me" Remus said. She looked at him, tears in her brown eyes.

"I am old, and I do not have much to offer you. You are still a young girl..."

"Look!" Hermione caught him off, " I did not ask for this. I know that you do not want this. But this could be a chance Remus! To save ourselves! Would it be so terrible to survive?"

"You are so young" Remus told her gently.

"I am not coming before you in the name of love" Hermione told him "I am not seeking some delusional fantasy where we are the perfect married couple, where you even love me. I don't care if you ever will feel that way."

"You might care someday, Hermione" Remus said. "When everyone else around is falling in love, you will be chained to this marriage."

"We will be alive" Hermione said stubbornly.

They were silent some minutes as Remus gathered his thoughts.

"I still think of you sometimes as a child, Hermione. I was once your Professor, in charge of teaching you and making sure that you were safe."

"I am not a child" Hermione reminded him.

"I know. However, its for those feelings, those protective urges shall I say, that I will do this and marry you. I do not give a damn about myself, but I do care that you are safe."

He got up from his chair and walked over to Hermione. He grasped her hand and held in his own. Firelight danced across his face, making his eyes glow. He looked both magical and tired.

"Hermione Jean Granger, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"I will" Hermione said.

"I will do my best to protect you. I swear."

"As will I" Hermione said. Remus smiled sadly.

Later...

Lying in bed, Hermione made up her mind that she would tell Severus. He needed to know and from her. It would be beyond shameful for him to stumble across it in an Order meeting. They would be getting married soon. She and Remus agreed on a small private wedding, with minimal fanfare. Molly would be disappointed but they did not have the funds or the heart to throw a large wedding. Cautiously, Remus had asked her if she wanted a diamond ring. When she told him no, that a simple band would do, he looked relieved.

They would be married in three days time. It was enough time to alert everyone and for Hermione to find some dress robes.

In three days Hermione would be Mrs. Hermione Lupin and Snape would have to find out. She needed to tell him soon. Very soon.

Going to Hogwarts was out of the question. The only option was to write to him.

But what does one say in a situation like this?

What Hermione longed to do was write a confession, from her heart. She wanted to tell Severus what she felt in her heart for him. She would not use the word "love", she just wanted him to know what she felt for him. She wanted him to know that she wanted to make love to him completely. She wanted him to know that she longed for it to be him that grasped her hand and asked her to marry him. Not Remus Lupin.

She grabbed her wand and whispered "Lumos". Throwing back the covers, she jumped from the bed and padded over to her desk. Reaching for a fresh sheet of parchment, she found her quill and wrote the date neatly in the corner.

"Dear Severus" she began.


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear Severus,_

_ In less than three days time, I will be marrying Remus Lupin._

_By doing this, I will be saving him, and myself, from future danger. As you know_

_the Marriage Law is quickly approaching and it would be best for everyone_

_if we were to wed before the Law becomes completely established. Please take _

_this letter as a token of my affection for you, and I pray that you take from it_

_the understanding of my regard and respect for you._

_ I will always feel this for you,_

_ Hermione_

Hermione folded the parchment and summoned her owl Parsnip. Cooing to the animal for a moment, she attached the letter to it's leg and whispered Snape's name and Hogwarts.

When the owl took off into the night, Hermione did not feel better. Instead, she felt terrified and terribly ashamed. She did not know why.

She knew that if asked Severus would have taken Remus's place as her husband. No one in the Order had asked him because they knew Hermione would step in for Remus.

For the greater good, she would save Remus.

Hermione turned the room dark again and crawled into bed.

She tossed and turned on her flannel sheets, thinking about Severus. They had never lied in a bed together. The closest they had come to it was lying on his cloak in one of the towers in Hogwarts. It had been a rainy afternoon, some weeks after Hermione's parents had died.

He never told her that he was sorry for their deaths. But with his touches and caresses, he made her understand his comfort. And she was comforted. Hermione remembered how she grasped his cloak in moments of unbearable pleasure. The material was thin and slippery and Hermione loved the feel of it.

Although they were only together a handful of times, Hermione could remember the details of each encounter. He was insistent in his touches, but always careful. Hermione always came away satisfied and whole. She never experienced any of the awkward fumbling and unintentional pain that she experienced with boys closer to her age.

When she was with the Potion Master, she felt happy and safe.

Hermione dimly wondered what it would be like with Remus. She didn't mind that he was reserved and quiet. She was glad that he thought about her modesty and gave room for propriety. She was never quite comfortable with open displays of affection.

They both made it clear that this was a marriage of convenience. Remus had assured Hermione quietly that he would not impose himself on her unduly after they were married. Before they were parted for the night, Hermione had told him that she was a virgin.

Remus was dumbstruck and a little frightened. Again he asked her if she was sure about this. She told him she was. It was nothing important to her. They would do it and get it over with. Remus had tried to grasp her hand and speak, but she left him to go to bed.

In the morning...

Hermione waited for a reply from Severus, but none came. They broke the news to Harry and Ron that she and Remus were getting married in two days. The boys were happy and relieved for her. They offered quiet congratulations to their ex-Professor, promising a shower of gifts.

Ginny and Lavender hugged Hermione and talked shrilly about robes and dresses. Hermione told them that she did not want a dress, that she was going to buy some traditional robes in Diagon Ally today.

Sirius clapped Remus on the back and offered to take him shopping for some new robes as well. Hermione gave Remus a weak smile and he nodded.

Finally looking outside the windows one last time for any sign of a Hogwart's owl, Hermione left by herself for Diagon Ally.

Ginny had offered to accompany her, but Hermione brushed her off gently. She wanted to do this alone and not with a friend. This was not something that she was celebrating.

When she appararted to Diagon Ally, she went straight to Madam Malkins and asked to see traditional dress robes. Madam Malkin asked her if she wanted something custom made, but Hermione assured her that she could find something off the rack.

She found a silvery grey robe and was tempted to buy it, but she knew that people would whisper about it's color. Although not black, it was too somber for a wedding. Especially since she was the bride.

White then.

She found an ivory colored robe that was very thin and slippery. Briefly she was reminded of Severus's cloak. The robe was pretty with a mandarin collar and fitted sleeves that had rows of pleats extending from the shoulder to the elbow. The sleeves ended tightly at the wrist. They did not trail down to the floor. Instead there was a modest train that came from the tops of the shoulder and trailed out a foot behind Hermione.

A look in the accessories case Hermione found thin white slippers that matched the dress. Madam Malkin offered her jewelry and gloves but Hermione said no, she would be wearing her mother's pearls and a simple ruby comb in her hair.

She paid for her dress and slippers. Thanking Madam Malkin, she slipped out of the shop and then quickly appararted back to Grimmauld Place. Bypassing Ginny, who demanded to see the robe, she hung it in her closet and closed the door.

At dinner...

Hermione did not each much. She and Remus exchanged quizzical glances a few times. Both of them bearing bewildered expressions. They both seemed to not believe that they would be marrying each other soon.

Sirius cracked jokes with the boys and kept a hearty conversation, trying to draw out Remus and Hermione from their semi-silence.

"So, is there anything special you two want for the special day?" he asked.

"No, simple is the best thing" Hermione said. Remus nodded.

"Any particular guest list?"

"Umm...just the Order" Hermione said. She looked at Remus.

"Yes, just the Order"

"Mom will be thrilled to cook the Wedding Dinner" Ginny said.

"That would be lovely" Hermione told her.

"You must want a photographer" Sirius said.

"Er, that will be up to Remus to decide" Hermione said.

"If you want one, then we can have one" Remus told her quietly.

"Sirius?" Hermione asked.

"You must have pictures!" Sirius exclaimed. Hermione and Remus looked at one another helplessly.

"But...We wanted to have the wedding here" Hermione told him, "We can't have a photographer here and compromise the Order location."

"Don't worry" Sirius said. " The Creevey's said they would do it."

"You already asked?" Remus coughed out.

"Of course, mate" Sirius said. "This is your special day."

"If you want it Remus" Hermione said, fiddling with her napkin, " I guess we need proof that this is a real marriage after the Law passes and the ministry sends some officials to pry into our business."

"Of course, Hermione. You are right."

"You are marrying a clever witch my friend!" Sirius said, smiling brightly at the couple. Hermione turned a shade of bright pink.


	5. Chapter 5

"_**I've Said Too Much"**_

It was the day before her wedding and Hermione couldn't think properly. Severus had never replied. In vain Hermione watched the windows for any approaching owls. Each time, she was disappointed.

She thanked her lucky stars that she had taken time off from Auror Training. She doubted that she could have handled a Boggart much less get out of quicksand in her state of mind. Thankfully the wedding preparations were minimal and there was no great thought process involved in the act of waiting.

She and Remus treated each other like polite strangers. Sirius jumped between the pair, laughing with buoyancy and hope, but at most, Hermione and Remus could just be cordial. Hermione was distant because this was something that never imagined, marrying her old Defense Professor. Remus was distant because he did not know what to say. Most of the time he walked around with an air grim impartiality.

Remus had shown Hermione the new dress robes that Sirius had brought for him. They were black, but very nice and stylish. Hermione voiced her approval. Hermione had offered to show him her dress robes, but he told her that it would be bad luck.

They sat next to one another on the couch, Hermione pink with nervousness and Remus pale with agitation.

"Hermione, I wanted to tell you that Dora will be here tomorrow for the ceremony."

"Oh?" Hermione said, not really surprised. She was after all an Order member.

"Yes. I wanted you to know because...well we were once together and things have the potential to get awkward."

"I see" Hermione said, "Does she know?"

"Of our marriage?" Remus asked, "Yes I told her."

"Did she take it well?" Hermione asked. She could not think of a more subtle way of asking, did she blow a smokestack.

"I think she understands" Remus said nervously. "To be honest, I think she is a bit put out."

"Put out?" Hermione asked incredulously. "Doesn't she know what might happen to you, to us, if we don't marry?"

"Yes. I explained things to her" Remus said. Casting his eyes aside, "But I don't think she understands completely."

"Whats there to understand?" Hermione wondered aloud.

"I think she would have preferred it to be her" Remus said quietly. Hermione looked sideways at him.

"And do you prefer it to be her?" she asked gently.

"I once loved Dora" he admitted, "But our love went wrong. It went sour." He gently took one of Hermione's hands in his own.

"We are living in terrible times, Hermione" he began, "But that is all the more reason to make our own choices wherever possible"

Hermione nodded.

"I am truly honored that you have consented to become my wife. I know neither of us wanted this, but you were right in that some good will come out of this. You will be protected"

"And you as well" Hermione quickly added. Remus smiled softly.

"Yes. Because of Dora's mother and pure blood connections, she will be able to choose her own partner once this Law goes into effect. You and I wouldn't have the same choice. Our mates would have been chosen for us."

He gently stroked the top part of her hand with his thumb.

"Some selfish part of me is glad that it us you" he told her. "God forgive me, but I am grateful that I am going to marry someone understanding and kind."

Hermione choked back a tear and a sniffle.

"Thank you Remus" she choked out.

"If we cannot have love Hermione, know that you will always have understanding from me" Remus told her.

At this Hermione broke down and sobbed. Remus gathered her in his arms and let her cry until she could not.

That night...

Hermione opened her closet. Her eyes caught the sight of her wedding robes hanging up. Bypassing it, she reached for her darkest cloak. Pulling it off it's hanger, she put over her clothes.

She was going to Hogwarts.

Her stomach ached with nervousness and all sorts of horrible scenarios danced in her mind where Severus sneered and mocked her decision to marry Remus.

If only she could be sure that he had gotten her owl!

Hermione stole down the backsteps of Grimmauld Place and out the Kitchen door. She walked out of the gated garden and down the ally. She did not want to wake the house with the sound of her apaparating.

She apaparated right outside the gates of Hogwarts. Drawing the hood of her cloak over her head, she began the long trek to the castle. She tried to walk quickly but it was hard because the wind was blowing fiercely and each step she took seemed to rattle her bones.

Finally she reached the castle and slipped inside. Moving swiftly, she made her way to the dungeons. She almost ran the whole way, so terrified was she of being caught.

Murmuring the password to his chambers, she entered the door while holding her breath. At last she was here!

"Severus?" she called out. "Are you here?"

She waited for a sarcastic reply or an impatient cough.

Nothing.

She went into his sitting room. Perhaps a letter would be there for her on his desk.

"Hello?" she nervously called.

A small fire was going, but the room appeared to be empty.

"Severus?" she called again.

Going to his desk, she saw that her letter was there. Unopened.

Pulling out her wand, Hermione scanned the room again.

"Is anyone there?"

"Good evening Miss Granger"

"Headmaster?" Hermione said, completely baffled.

It was indeed Professor Dumbledore, sitting in one of the chairs that Hermione swore appeared to be empty earlier.

"Can I help you Miss Granger?" Dumbledore inquired genially.

"Severus..." Hermione began, her throat going dry with shock and dismay.

"Is not here" Dumbledore spread his hands, "As you can see it is just you and I"

"Yes" Hermione squeaked. "Where is..."

"He is out doing business for the Order"

Something in Hermione's brain clicked. He was with Voldermort! A thousand things raced through Hermione's mind.

"Do you know when you are expecting him back?"

"No" Dumbledore shook his head slowly. " I never know when to expect him back when he goes on these excursions."

The old wizard looked at the young girl carefully.

"Is there something that I can help you with?" he asked.

"There is a letter" Hermione said, unsure of how much tell him, "I just wanted to make sure he received this"

"I see" Dumbledore said. A log cracked in the fire while Hermione stood silent.

"If it is his mail, I am sure he will receive it once he comes back" Dumbledore told her.

"Yes, well, I better go" Hermione said, turning to leave the room, "Goodnight Headmaster"

"My dear" Dumbledore called. Hermione stopped in her tracks.

"He could have never protected you"

"What?" Hermione whispered, turning around.

"Severus" Dumbledore said sadly, the twinkle behind his half moon glasses lost, "He could have never protected you and married you."

"I know" Hermione said. Tears threatened again for the second time that day, but she held them in.

"Doubtlessly he wanted to" Professor Dumbledore told her. "Severus is an honorable man."

"Hermione nodded mutely.

"These are terrible times, child. But you and Remus are doing the right thing in saving one another."

"While Severus is saving the Wizarding world" Hermione said.

"Exactly so, my dear" Dumbledore said.

Shaking with a sense of finality, Hermione walked over to where Severus's desk was and picked up her note. Tearing it into pieces, she threw it into the fire.

"I'm so sorry my dear" Professor Dumbledore said.

"He shouldn't have to know what he is missing" Hermione told him. "He has suffered enough."

"You are too right" Dumbledore agreed.

Later on that night...

Hermione dressed in her most filmiest of lingerie. When she had gotten back from Hogwarts , her mind was not only made up, it was changed. Stopping at her dresser, she found a bottle of her favorite muggle perfume, Channel Allure. She smiled at the pun. She would need all the Allure she could get tonight.

Throwing a short robe of pink silk over herself, she crept out of her bedroom and down the hall. She walked with the softness of a cat.

Coming to the door she wanted, she pushed it open without knocking.

Sirius Black lay lounging on his bed bare, chested and reading a book.

"Merlin! Hermione what are you doing here?" He threw down his book as his eyes traveled over her body.

"I need your help, Sirius."

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"In a manner of speak, yes" she said.

"What is it? Did something happen?"

"I want you to sleep with me" Hermione told him. Sirius almost fell off the bed.

"Hermione, is this a joke?"

"No it's not."

"Hermione, what are you thinking! Tomorrow you will be marrying Remus!"

"I know" Hermione said calmly. "Remus and I both understand that this is a marriage of convenience and not love."

"Hermione..." Sirius began but Hermione cut him off.

"I will never do Remus harm, and I realize that there are worse things that could be happening to me, however I don't want the choice of my first time taken from me. I want to do it under circumstances of my own making."

"But tomorrow night..." Sirius said, and again Hermione caught him short.

"It wouldn't be the night of my choice. Please Sirius, you have to help me."

"Why don't you ask Remus? Or even Snape?"

"I can't. I must marry Remus, it's my choice and then it's not my choice. Severus...he could never do that."

"Hermione, are you sure you know what you are asking?" Sirius still could not get over what she was asking.

"I do. Please Sirius, its not like you don't like me."

"You are going to be Remus's wife!"

"Not tonight."

Sirius was silent for a long time. He lay on his bed, clutching his book. Hermione sighed. She took her wand from her sleeve and casted a silencing charm around the room. After making sure the door was locked, she was about to turn the lights off when Sirius spoke.

"Leave them on" he said. Hermione looked at him quizzically.

"I want to see you" he told her. She nodded but dimmed them so that the room looked like it was bathed in candle light.

She shrugged out of robe and let it fall to the floor in a puddle. Sirius let out a groan.

"Come to the bed love" he said.

She walked to the bed and sat on the edge.

"Are you afraid?" Sirius asked her.

"No, I'm not" Hermione said resolutely. "You had better make this good, Black. You are not going to get another chance with me because tomorrow I am going to be a married woman."

"I swear to you that you will never forget this night" Sirius told her. He grabbed her arm and Hermione tumbled onto her back.


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for the reviews. Ahem, here goes. Let me just say, that Hermione does value herself. What does respect for one's self mean? What does it mean to respect yourself and be a woman? I think if you respected yourself, especially "your body", you should be able to do anything that you wanted with it, this includes sleeping with whomever you wanted, if you so pleased. Why must a woman feel ashamed if she gives herself pleasure wherever and however she wanted? Men do not get the same double standard. Men start out Virgins too, and trust me they get around.(I hate that phrase)If you truly value "your own" person, then you belong to yourself, not a man, not your mother, not your father, and especially not to a society that tries to define who you are and what your body must do. If you belong to yourself, you can do whatever you wish with your body. You can own each experience and truly live your own life. Hermione's hyman belongs to her and therefore she can do whatever she wishes with it. She can bed hop with the whole Weasely Clan and it shouldn't be problem. Remember, she wasn't talking about love. Not everyone that has sex together loves each other. I want all the ladies on Fanfiction to stand up and give a roar. Respect yourself by owning your bodies and never feel ashamed of them or making your own decisions! Three Cheers for Eve!

"**I Am Woman, Here Me Roar!"**

"Hermione, you look lovely!" Ginny gushed. Hermione gave a small smile.

"Thank you, Gin" she said. "It really is a lovely dress!"

"You have excellent taste Hermione. It's perfect. Grown up and elegant!" Ginny clapped her hands together in excitement.

"Can you bring me my mother's pearls?" Hermione asked as she pinned up her curly hair.

"Here. These are lovely as well" Ginny squealed. "Oh Hermione! It's going to be beautiful day!"

"Is Remus getting ready?" Hermione asked, putting the strand of double pearls around her neck.

"Yes" Ginny giggled. "Sirius is plying him with cognac. I hope he doesn't get sick."

Hermione looked alarmed.

"Oh don't worry! I am sure Sirius knows a sobering up potion" Ginny told her. Hermione nodded tight lipped.

"Well, if he going to play that game, so shall I" Hermione said, striding forward in her wedding robes to her dresser. Opening the top drawer, she fumbled around a bit before grabbing an amber bottle.

"Oh what is that?" Ginny asked, a playful grin on her face. Hermione smirked.

"The best Brandy this side of the Wizarding World" Hermione said proudly. Grabbing her wand, she transfigured two brandy glasses and poured a healthy amount in each. Handing one to Ginny, she raised her glass briefly and downed the contents.

"Wonderful" she said.

"Oh Gods this is strong stuff" Ginny sputtered, gasping for breath. Hermione eyed the glass but decided one was enough.

"Where did you learn to drink that stuff?" Ginny asked as she stumbled to straighten Hermione's train.

"An old friend" Hermione told her.

"A boyfriend?" Ginny asked her playfully. Hermione ignored her as Sirius burst into the room.

"Sirius, what are you doing here?" Ginny asked indignantly. He grinned devilishly and strutted into the room.

"I am not the Groom,Ginny. Hermione can see me." He stopped for a moment and sniffed the air.

"Smells delicious. What have you girls been up to?"

"Hermione's been drinking brandy that could have melted an old cauldron" Sirius looked over at Ginny and watched her hiccup.

"Hmm...looks like someone else has been at the cauldron cleaner as well" he quipped with a light hearted smile."Whoa there Ginny!"

Ginny, who had been straightening Hermione's train, nearly fell over onto the carpet.

"Do you want some sobering up potion" he asked her worriedly. Ginny nodded.

"What about you?" he turned to Hermione. Hermione gave him a sly smile and shook her head.

"I won't need it, but poor Gin will if she is going to stand upright during the ceremony." She shook her head and laughed for the first time today.

Sirius smiled again and reached into his sleeve. He brought out a small vile.

"Sip some of this" he told Ginny, "I have been force feeding it to Remus for the past hour."

Ginny took the bottle and poured the entire contents down. Still hiccuping she told the two that she was going to find Harry and ask him for some more. If he didn't have any, surely Ron would. He was always sporting a hangover.

"You look amazing Hermione" Sirius told her when they were alone. "Remus is one lucky Wizard."

"You aren't going to tell him?" Hermione asked, biting her lip. Sirius shook his head.

"No love. Though I would love to write a romance novel just remembering the experience. It was one the greatest nights of my life Hermione. I really do mean that."

"Thank you Sirius" Hermione said. "I was going to tell him if you thought it was best, but perhaps not. I am sure he would understand though."

"I didn't hurt you? Did I?" Sirius asked nervously. Hermione shook her head.

"It was what I expected. Thank you Sev..." Hermione stopped and then went pink with mortification.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"I'm sorry" Hermione said quickly. " I wasn't thinking."

"You were thinking about the Greasy Git, weren't you?" Sirius asked, now angry. He balled up his fists and stepped towards Hermione.

"Merlin Hermione. Can't you get that monster out of your mind for one second?"

"He's not a monster! How dare you speak of him that way!" Hermione cried grabbing her wand.

"How could you say that to me?" Sirius whispered, "Especially after last night"

"I told you I wasn't thinking" Hermione said through gritted teeth. "Now if you will excuse me, I have to get ready." Sirius stared at her too angry to speak. Hermione gripped her wand, ready to dole out a hex if he so much as breathed in her direction.

"Get out Sirius" she told him.

"I am leaving Hermione. I just can't believe that you would treat me this way...after"

"After what?" she snarled. "Just because I slept with you does not make you king of me. I have a father, thank you very much. I am not in need of another."

"You are incredible" Sirius said.

"So I heard" Hermine replied. "Look, I am sorry that I said his name. You're names are similar."

"No they are not" he growled. Hermione shrugged.

"I am grateful that you helped me out" Hermione said."I will always remember that you were my first." Sirius frowned.

"I hope I am still your friend Hermione. Remember, Remus means a lot to me."

"I am marrying him to ensure his safety" Hermione said. "And as for you, you will always be a friend to me so long as you recall that I am a grown woman, capable of making decisions, carrying them out, and owing up to them. I will tell Remus if you like. I've thought about it, and I decided that I don't care if he knows."

Sirius paled. Hermione laughed softly.

"Don't worry Sirius. You did not take advantage of me. I don't think that, and he would never think that. If I am old enough to marry, I am old enough to shag. We weren't married last night. Today we are getting married. From today onward, I only plan on shagging my husband."

Sirius stared at her.

"I hope Remus is up to you, love, because after today, I can't hold a candle to you."

"I never expected you to" Hermione said with a sad smile. "Now will you hand me that comb over there. I need to get ready. It must be nearly time."


	7. Chapter 7

"Almost"

Hermione spooned the soup slowly. It was condensed tomato soup. She had watered it down before she put the heat on high but it was still bubbling and sticking to the pan. Hermione tasted it and made a face. Hastily, she grabbed the salt and pepper from the spice rack. Pouring a liberal amount into the soup, she walked over to the icebox and wrenched it open. Her eyes came upon a carrot and a lemon.

A lemon? Who had put that there? Hermione shook her head in puzzlement but grabbed it anyway. She sliced it open with a knife and poured some of the juice in the soup.

She tasted it again and then frowned. It was an improvement but far from good. Hermione wished that she had milk to put into it, but this was it.

There simply was no money. Although they lived with Sirius at Grimmauld Place, Sirius lived the life of a single bachelor and always ate out. Hermione was not getting paid and Remus had insisted on paying for the marriage license. Hermione let him pay for half.

She was trying to use her parent's money sparingly, shopping at the muggle stores for food and using stasis charms to preserve much of it. Still there was not an excess of anything lying around. On the nights when there were no Order meetings, Hermione had to cook for herself and for Remus.

He never asked her too, and in fact looked quite embarrassed the first time she made him a peanut butter sandwich, but she felt like this was something that a wife should do. Even if it was only a marriage of convenience, Hermione felt that she should...show something for him.

After the wedding, Sirius had come up to Hermione and pushed a silver envelope into her hands. Inside it was five thousand galleons. Almost dropping it because it was so heavy, Hermione hastily shoved it back at him.

Sirius had been offended.

"Why are you rejecting my gift!" he murmured, stepping closer to her. Hermione had shifted uneasily and put the envelope down onto a nearby table. It hit the wood with a 'clank'.

"It's not right, Sirius!" Hermione said, clearly flustered. "Thank you, but it's not right!"

She had left him and went to greet the other guests. His angry gaze had followed her all night. Hermione had wondered why Sirius would choose such a crass way to give her money. The previous night they had slept together, and now at her wedding, he had tried to give her money! He should have given her a toaster!

Unthinkable! Briefly, she had wondered if he would try Remus and then dismissed the thought. Remus would have never taken it. Anyways, he had not slept with Remus.

Thinking of Remus, and their wedding night, Hermione stilled in her cooking, letting the soup clump up more.

He had been gentle. Her body had ached from being with Sirius the night before. Muscles that she never thought she had, or used, had been screaming with protest the following day. Hermione had been a little nervous but Remus's gentle touch had calmed her fears. They undressed in a semi dark room. A fire had been burning low. Remus had offered to turn out all the lights but Hermione had wanted him to see her.

She wanted him to see what he was getting.

Sirius had left bruise marks on her hips and shoulders. Remus touched them with a soft fingertip.

"Auror training?" he asked her. She shook her head.

"No."

His soft hand cupped the largest bruise and then went to touch the light scratch marks.

"Do you want to know?" Hermione asked. Remus shook his head. Firelight caught his hair and made the grey look golden.

"You know you never have to explain yourself to me, Hermione. "

"Thank you, Remus" Hermione said, laying her head on his shoulder.

"Don't thank me for this" Remus told her. "You are saving my life, Hermione Granger."

"Hermione Lupin" Hermione whispered.

Coming back to herself, Hermione realized the soup was burning.

"Bugger" she said. Turning the stove off, she tried scooping the stuff out of the pan and into two bowls.

"It will have to do" she grumbled as she set them down onto the table.

It was six in the evening and Hermione had just got home from the Auror Department. She was exhausted and felt like she gone ten rounds with a hippogriff. Mad-Eye had been relentless and Hermione had been Imperiused twice.

Once again, she had been the brunt of the joke in the all male classroom. Hermione wondered if she would ever be impervious to it all.

Looking at her watch, she knew that Remus would be home. He always made it a point to show up at least once a day, and usually for dinner. Sometimes he would bring Hermione a piece of fruit or chocolate. Hermione appreciated his effort, therefore she always tried to make dinner bearable.

Sighing at the mess that the soup had become, Hermione played with her spoon and waited for Remus.

Just as she was about to cave in and eat her soup, the fireplace crackled and Sirius stepped into the kitchen. His hair was sooty and messy. His face bore a harried expression.

"Merlin, Sirius! Whatever is the matter?"

"The Minister is dead."

"What?" she yelled rising from her chair. She pushed away from the table and went to get Sirius a towel.

"Here. Oh dear God Sirius, what happened?"

"Death Eaters" he said, taking the towel from her and wiping his face.

"Oh no. Have you seen Remus?"

"No. I thought he was here with you"

"No" she said slowly, "He told me he had Order business tonight. He couldn't talk about it."

"I am sure he will be fine..." Sirius began moving forward to comfort Hermione.

"I am sure he is fine" came Remus's voice.

"Remus!" Hermione dashed forward to give him a quick hug. "Thank goodness."

"I was at the Ministry" he told them, "The place is swarming with Death Eaters."

"How?" Sirius asked.

"It was outright murder" Remus said grimly. "They did it publicly. Fudge's body is hung up and displayed over the Atrium. The Dark Mark is fixed above the sky. This does not look good at all."

Sirius looked angrily away. Inside, Hermione was screaming.

"Who is the Minister now?" she asked sneering. "Surely it couldn't be Voldermort?"

"Hardly" Sirius barked. "The Bastard is probably all skin and red eyes."

"Lucius Malfoy"

"Oh Gods" Hermione murmured, aghast.

"Fuck" Sirius said. Remus was silent.

"There is going to be an Order Meeting"

"I'm going to wash up, Mooney" Sirius said, moving past them and going upstairs. Remus hugged Hermione once more and Hermione leaned up and kissed him gently on the cheek.

"There is soup. I am afraid it's not very good." Remus gave her a weak smile.

"You didn't have to" he said.

"I know" she told him, "But it's going to be a very long meeting tonight."

"Yes it is."

While Remus was eating, Hermione put her dish in the sink and went upstairs. Bypassing a grumbling Kreacher, she went into her room to change robes and wash her face.

She found a plain set of navy robes and slipped into them. She rubbed some light perfume onto her hands and wrists and checked her hair which was in it's usual bun.

Needing some quiet time, she sat on the bed that she and Remus shared. Looking around the room, she noticed for the first time that it was sparse. Remus had few belongings. There were several of his books in the bookshelf, but the rest of his things were kept elsewhere. Hermione's clothes were hung up neatly in the closet, along with Remus's robes, sweaters and slacks, but apart from the bed, that was all that they shared.

Hermione kept her belongings at her parent's house. Her books and things were still stored away in her old room. Hermione checked in now and again to see how things were maintained, but she did not spend any time in her old home. It would have been economically prudent to rent it or sell it, but Hermione never had the heart or the time.

Briefly, she had entertained the notion of living there with Remus, but it was too personal and also too painful.

She missed her parents dearly.

Just right then, she would have given anything in the world to have her mother come and hold her. Hermione remembered creeping into her parent's bed at night when she was sick or afraid. Her mother would always wake up right away and welcome Hermione with open arms.

A tear trickled down Hermione's cheek as she remembered how soft her mother's touch was.

"Hermione? Are you in here?" came Remus's voice. Hermione sat up quickly and wiped her face with her robe.

"Hermione...are you alright?" Remus asked, coming into the room and shutting the door.

"I am fine" she answered quickly. Looking away, she smoothed her robes and tried to act calm and nonchalant.

"Are you upset about the Minister?" Remus asked. "Don't worry, Hermione, I swore I would protect you."

"No, its not that" Hermione said, looking away. "I am not afraid. I am not saying I expected this, but this is War after all."

"You know you can always come to me with anything" Remus said, reaching for hand. Hermione gave it to him.

"What does this mean?" she asked, shaking her head, "What does it mean for us?" Remus sighed and patted her hand.

"It means that we will be persecuted. You did marry a Werewolf" he said bitterly. Hermione made a soothing sound.

"You married a Mudblood" she told him. He smiled.

"Yes. The cleverest witch of her age"

"Hardly" she scoffed. She drew closer to Remus. "What does it mean with the marriage law...you know..."

"We will have to have children," He paused " sooner than we thought."

Hermione blanched.

Merline! Children! She knew that this was the outcome of the marriage law but she thought she had time, two years perhaps.

What was the wizarding world thinking! It was War time. Hardly the best time to nurture a growing child.

"How can we do this?" she whispered, bowing her head.

"Look at me, Hermione" he said, lifting her head. "We will do the best we can. You saved my life. I married you knowing that I had to protect you but...you are so young. You are missing so much. I will do my best to give you and our children the best life possible."

"Our children..." Hermione murmured.

"Listen, Hermione. There is something else that you should be aware of. Like I've said before the Wizarding World is going to become more and more prejudiced, against Muggleborns, Elves, Goblins...Werewolves"

"Yes" Hermione prompted, "I know that"

"They are reverting back to the old Aristocracy. Malfoy is officially known by his family title, Lord Malfoy."

Hermione sniggered.

"This is not a laughing matter, Hermione" Remus warned.

"Remus, you must admit, it is slightly ridiculous" Hermione said.

"Hermione, you are muggleborn. In the Wizarding World, titles are extremely important. They have great bearing."

"He was known as Lord Malfoy before" Hermione protested.

"Yes, but now other families are following suit and bringing out their family titles. It was considered somewhat _passe_ before to do so, but now Voldermort is determined to widen the gap between the Pure blood Wizarding families and the muggleborns."

" Will they be giving us yellow stars next?" Hermione wondered aloud. Remus looked surprised.

"Ah, yes the Muggle Hitler. Yes Hermione. Our circumstances may become very similar."

He was quiet for a moment. "I told Dumbledore this might happen." Remus dropped her hand and stood up. "I could very well be the damming of you. The wife of a Werewolf."

"Remus, don't. Remember Voldermort's hatred for muggleborns. As Harry's best friend, my lack of Pure Blood status is well known. At least...at least we won't be alone and with people we hate and want to kill us."

"Come on downstairs, Hermione. Minerva should be here and Severus too"

Hermione's throat went dry.

"Yes, alright."

"They should have more to tell us" Remus said.


	8. Chapter 8

To Rose and Niphuria. You know how to make a girl smile. Review people! You don't have to say anything profound, just that you like it.

Molly bustled around the table, handing out napkins and pressing bowls of steaming onion soup onto various Order members. Hermione remembered her previous attempts at making soup and was embarrassed.

"Here Dear, take this" Molly said, pressing a bowl of soup onto Hermione. "You are looking peaked."

"I am not hungry" Hermione began but Molly had shoved the bowl at her and walked away.

Hermione set it down in front of her and watched it steam. She wasn't lying when she said she wasn't hungry.

Severus had not shown up, but it was only a matter of time. Hermione wrapped her arms around herself and waited nervously. Remus was busily engaged in a conversation with Shacklebolt and Ron and Harry were gathered around their wives.

Not to mention that the Minister of Magic had just been murdered today.

It was at times like these that Hermione felt very much alone. Although she could have gone and entered the conversation with Remus and Shacklebolt, Hermione was too shy and reserved to force herself on others.

And with Ron and Harry, Hermione felt out of place among the true married couples. Although Remus was deferential to her, Hermione never felt...like he was something more than her old Defense Professor. She never felt glowy or the least bit romantic around him.

Theirs was truly a marriage of convenience.

At last five minuets had passed and everyone was gathering around the table. Ron sat next to Lavender and Harry was pressed next to Ginny.

From what Hermione could see, Harry and Ginny were very much in love. They had been married five weeks ago and yet the shine from when they made their vows had not fallen off. In fact it had intensified.

Ginny was looking very flushed and hearty. Hermione noted with a wry smile that her hand never left her stomach.

It seemed that the Potters would have no trouble fulfilling the marriage law requirements.

Hermione glanced down at her own stomach, which was still flat. Hermione wondered if she was thankful for it. Sooner or later she knew she would have no other choice. She tried imagining a small child with Remus's eyes and her hair running around Grimmauld Place.

The image did not come easily.

Suddenly her head shot up as cold burst of air made it's way into the room. She felt a snowflake land on her nose.

Feeling a shiver run through her spin, Hermione Granger Lupin looked into the eyes of Severus Snape.

His black eyes met her eyes briefly and then...she was adrift. He did not greet anyone as he went towards the table. With precise movements he pulled out a chair and sat.

Hermione felt like her whole world was in that chair.

At once she wanted to cry. She wanted to cry for what she had lost. There, not a stone's throw away from her sat her heart"s greatest desire.

And yet there next to her, was Remus Lupin, the man her heart demanded she save.

The meeting began, and Hermione did not hear a word that was said. Several times Remus squeezed her hand in concern. Each time, Hermione gave him a small smile.

She knew what was going to happen anyways. Her training would be put on hold. The wizarding world was no longer safe to work or navigate in.

Her soup grew cold on the table.

"So in conclusion we know now that the darkness has come..."

Hermione shook herself awake.

"What of the Aurors?" came Harry's voice. Shacklebolt shook his head sadly.

"We are entering a sad era. To give you an example, this will become like the Muggle Hitler's Germany, only it will be the Wizarding World." There was a collective intake of breath from the table. Even secluded in their wizarding world, magical folk had felt the terror and destruction of the Nazi Leader those many many years ago.

The public murder of Fudge was the just the first step in the direction of Voldermort's program of muggle born annihalation.

"Will I be able to train?" Hermione finally asked.

"I will do my best to make sure it happens but I can't gaurantee anything. Mostly likely no. Only Purebloods will be able to continue training."

"I see" Hermione said sadly. Remus put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a quick squeeze.

"If Severus is agreeable..."

Hermione looked at Snape whose nostrils had widened and whose eyes had gone blacker

"He will be able to help train you, along with Remus of course, and I will step in whenever Moody lets me." Mad-Eye gave a gruff laugh.

Hermione said nothing as Severus said nothing. Remus coughed gently.

"I am sure Hermione would greatly appreciate that" Remus said. Sirius gave him a small glare.

"I am sorry Hermione. But it will only be a matter of time before I am there with you" Harry told her. Shacklebolt nodded grimly.

"Yes, Harry. I am afraid that you too will be restricted from Auror Training."

Ginny patted Harry's arm reassuringly and Harry gave her a wan smile.

At least Harry would have money to see them through.

Hermione found a small silver lining in the fact that with her free time she could actually work to help supplement her income.

That is if she could find a job.

"Will it be dangerous to go out?" Ginny asked, still holding Harry's arm and caressing her stomach.

"The next few days should tell us much" Shacklebolt said, "But I would recommend lying low. Very low. Almost everyone at this table has public ties to the light. I suggest caution to everyone of you."

"But Mediwtich appointments?" Ginny asked. Shacklebolt nodded his permission.

"Those you may go to. Only not alone with Harry. Please take Tonks or myself, even Severus."

"They are requiring all witches to go to ascertain fertility" Ginny told the Order.

"Have you made an appointment, Hermione?" Mrs. Weasley asked.

Pink faced, Hermione nodded.

"Has anyone secured a job for Miss Granger?" Severus asked dryly.

"What do you mean, Snape?" Sirius growled.

"Only the obvious Black.. With no work or even hope of work, has anyone made arrangements for her to earn funds? I am going on the assumption that Lupin cannot obtain a high paying position because of his known Lyconthropy, therefore I am curious to know whether the Order is making it a habit to let it's members starve."

Snape said this all in his cold drawling voice which seemed to make Sirius even more agitated.

"They are taken care of" Sirius said in a low voice.

"I was not taking about Lupin" Snape sneered.

"We are not in need of any charity"Remus said calmly.

"By all means Lupin let yourself starve, but I thought it might be in your marauder code of conduct to not publicly make your wife starve as well."

Minerva let out a gasp.

"This is the talk of First Years. Really Severus...Sirius..."

"I would like to work" came Hermione's voice. Everyone stilled.

"Tell me where I might find work" she asked calmly. Sirius gave her a blank gaze.

"No, I am serious. I am committed to helping myself and not allowing others to do so for me..." She glanced at Sirius.

Minerva glanced nervously around the table.

"Hogwarts is too open" she said. "I would offer you a job there...but with the new Ministry it would only be a matter of time before..."

"She can work with me making Potions" Snape said.

Hermione nodded quickly.

"Perfect" Minerva said, obviously relieved. Sirius was muttering under his breath and Remus was strangely quiet.

Tonks who had been quiet all this evening suddenly looked on in interest.

"Thank you Sir" Hermione said.

There was no reply, only a scuffle of the chair as Snape stood up and walked out of the room.

Shacklebolt cleared his voice before he issued a moment of silence for the fallen Minister and a fallen warning to be careful.

Remus offered her hand up and Hermione took it with a wan smile.

"I am going to check up on Ginny before she leaves" she told him. Remus gave her a smile and nodded. Hermione walked away towards Ginny. Tonks lept up from her chair and walked towards Remus.

"Ginny!" Hermione admonished gently. "When were you going to tell me?"

"It didn't seem like the right time" Ginny said sadly. "With Fudge dying and the Ministry being overtaken..."

"It was the perfect time to know about your surprise" Hermione cut in. "When are you due?"

"In March" Ginny said blushing.

"Sly thing" Hermione grinned. Harry looked at the ground abashed. "Molly must be thrilled"

"She already knitted a closet full of booties" Harry said with a grin.

"Oy, I am going to talk to Ron for a bit. Be right back Gin" Harry said as he kissed the top of his wife's red hair.

"Oh Hermione. I know its horrible to be so happy right now, but I am. Truly I am!"

"I am glad for you" Hermione said.

"Are you..." Ginny asked. Hermione shook her head quickly.

"Are you using anything muggle to stop it?"

"No" Hermione said, going pink. Ginny looked puzzled.

"Oh well...its only a matter of time then. Its convenient that your training got put on hold then...if it does happen" Ginny said reasonably.

"I suppose that's one way to look at it" Hermione answered.

"When is your appointment?" Ginny asked.

"Tomorrow, actually" Hermione said.

"Who are you going to take?" Ginny wrinkled her head in concern.

"I was thinking of putting it on hold" Hermione told her, "It might not be safe for the moment."

"You could always go to Hogwarts and see Madam Pomfrey" Ginny told her brightening.

"She can do that?"

"Oh sure. Its an official exam so she would have to let the Ministry know, but she could do it. I am going to go her for the Pre-Natal care. Its much safer."

"Alright" Hermione said, watching Remus and Tonks talk in hushed tones, "Maybe I will."


	9. Chapter 9

*Who wants to take a look at this sense and sensibility fic I am working on?

"My dear, you won't be able to have children."

"What?" Hermione's head shot up in surprise. She looked at Madam Pomfrey like she didn't see her. "What do you mean?"

"I'm afraid, my dear..." and with this the Mediwitch paused and took off her glasses, "That your body is just not capable of being productive."

"But how can this be? I have my period like any one else!"

Madam Pomfrey put a comforting arm around Hermione and held her close. The starched stiffness of her apron tickled Hermione's nose.

"There are potions that may help, but those must be taken over a long period of time. It may be years before you can conceive and even then its not likely that you will carry it to term."

"What is wrong exactly?" Hermione asked, the analytical side of her begging for answers.

"I can see that your body will meet you half-way in conceiving, hence your regular courses, however, the structure of your ovaries is all wrong."

"I'm reproductively distorted" Hermione said aloud.

"My dear, perhaps, this is for the best. I hear that you are planning to continue Auror training. That career is hardly in line with mothering."

"Yes. I suppose, my silver limning and all that" Hermione mumbled. "I thought that the wizarding community would be beyond this!"

"We can't fix everything" Madam Pomfrey said sadly. She tapped her wand on the table and out sprang Hermione's patient file. She started scribbling notes in Hermione's patient history.

"I can't believe this is happening" Hermione said. "I've always assumed...that I would have children someday."

"I'm terribly sorry, Hermione. Like I said before, there are potions that may help over a long period of time, but even then its unlikely."

Hermione felt herself tear up. Trying to keep a grip on herself, Hermione turned to the Mediwitch.

"May I have a calming drought" Hermione asked. "I feel...rather upset."

Madam Pomfrey studied her.

"I don't like giving those unless they are absolutely necessary."

"I'm going to have to tell my husband" Hermione said simply. Madam Pomfrey nodded sympathetically.

"In that case, I will give you one. But my dear, Remus is an understanding man, and given his condition, I don't think he will be terribly upset."

"Yes" Hermione said "But he is still married to me, for better or for worse, and perhaps he too was looking forward to children." She paused and looked down at the floor. "I was looking forward to them."

"Very well" Madam Pomfrey said. She briskly walked to one of her many well stocked cupboards. "Oh dear" she said.

"What is it?" Hermione asked, biting her nail, hoping that nothing else would go wrong today.

"We are all out. You will have to ask Severus for some. I'm sure he has some in his labs."

"Severus?"Hermione asked fearfully. Now she really was nervous.

"Yes, dear. Go and ask him, and please remind him that I need some more. I can't believe we've run out!" Madam Pomfrey exclaimed.

"It must be all the expectant fathers!" she said suddenly. Looking at Hermione, she blushed. "Sorry dear, its just with this new law, I have so many nervous expecting parents coming in. It took three vials to keep Mr. Longbottom from fainting every five minutes!"

"I understand" Hermione said, getting down from the examining bed."Thank you Madam Pomfrey."

"I'm so sorry Hermione. But its...not completely hopeless. Perhaps in the future, things will better."

Hermione waved goodbye to Madam Pomfrey as she quickly walked out of the hospital wing.

Quickly ducking her head when a crowd of students chorused past her, Hermione took a deep breath to keep the tears at bay.

What was she going to tell Remus! How was she going to tell Remus?

Only a couple of months into the marriage and she was defective.

Wearily, she walked the familiar trek to Snape's potion laboratory. Hermione felt bile rise to her throat at the thought of a confrontation with the Potions Master.

Telling herself that no matter, she would not cry! Not in front of him, she opened the door without knocking.

Snape was standing behind a scale measuring out quantities of dried pixy blood. He shot Hermione an irritated glance.

Hermione knew that she should have knocked.

"Sorry" she offered.

"What do you want?" he asked sharply. Hermione noticed that he did not stop his measuring.

"A calming drought" she told him. "Madam Pomfrey said to tell you that she was out of it."

"You need the calming drought?"

"Yes" she answered. Her face willed itself to stay still.

"What for?"

"To be calm" she told him, hoping that this obvious reply would not incite his wrath.

"An Auror in training needs a potion to be calm?" he spat.

Hermione said nothing.

Snape cursed under his breath. Clearing his scale, he stepped away from his work and stalked towards his cupboards. Wrenching the door open, he reached inside and grabbed a clear vial. Striding quickly to where Hermione was standing, he tore the stopper off and gave it to her.

"Here" he said abruptly. Hermione looked at him in surprise.

"Take it" he told her.

She took it with questioning him. It was almost instinctual that she did so. Never had she indirectly disobeyed a teacher's command.

With the first sip, she choked and tried to spit it out.

It was Veritesieum!

"How dare you!" She said at last. "How dare you!"

"No, Granger. How dare you! How dare you go and marry that Monster!" Snape roared.

"He is not a monster!" Hermione cried. "And we had no real choice"

"That's rich! Did you even consider that _he_ did have a choice? He could have married Nymphadora and he choose not to! Well Granger, did you consider that?"

"No. .I did not" Hermione said, enraged that he was forcing the truth out of her this way.

"You are too naïve!" Snape sneered.

"You did not have to do this. I would have told you anything that you had asked."

"No you wouldn't have" Snape said, his black eyes bearing into her. "You never would have. You think you would have, but you would have done anything in your power to create circumstances to do otherwise."

Hermione felt tears come to her and she wiped them away quickly with her sleeve.

"I had no choice" she told him, sniffling. "For you, I had no choice."

"What do you mean?" Snape asked.

Hermione took a deep breath and willed herself not to spill everything that was on the tip of her tongue. Because she had to, she would only say the basics.

"You could have never done what you must...and be with me" she said evenly. Sweat began to bead her forehead.

"You are holding back" he observed. His long fingers gripped the top of a laboratory table. Hermione looked at them and shook her head.

"If I am its because you tricked me! That was dirty, Severus and you know it!"

"Words, Granger, coming from you, do not mean much to me any more."

"You are so cruel" Hermione said.

"Finally the truth" Snape said. "It's a pity that you did not take the whole bottle."

"Give me what I came here for" Hermione forced out.

Snape dug into his robes and came out with a small dark bottle. "A calming drought" he told her.

"I will ask again what do you need it for?"

Although Hermione had only a taste of the potion, she could feel it inside her, working...no forcing her to comply to Snape's questioning.

Breathing hard, she said "Give me the calming drought"

"What do you need it for?" Snape repeated. He held the vial just out of her reach.

"Because..." Hermione's face scrunched and her eyes begin to water.

_"Don't say it"_

"I cannot have children!" she said.

Snape gave her a blank look.

Bursting into tears, Hermione turned on her heel and fled. 


	10. Chapter 10

Hermione found herself siting on the edge of her bed, eating a boxful of chocolate cordials.

She felt guilty gorging herself on sweets, but she reasoned that she was only hurting her waistline and plus, these chocolates were old. She had bought them long before Remus and her were married.

Reaching for another one, she crammed it in her mouth while struggling not to cry.

The chocolate tasted bitter.

She was still completely dressed in the clothes that she had went to see Madam Pomfrey. She even had her trainers on. Normally, in a mood like this, she would have changed into a robe and some pajamas but she was so distressed, she sought the chocolates first and then began eating them with a vengeance.

Choking the candy down, she wiped her hands on her jeans and sniffed.

Hermione was never one for girl talk, but yet she wished she had someone to talk to. Ginny would have sufficed before, but now that she was pregnant, and fairly glowing with the fecundity that was so common place to Weasley's, Hermione didn't know how to act around her.

How could she tell Ginny Potter, Princess of the fertility gene that is Weasley, that she, Hermione Granger Lupin, could not get knocked up?

It was downright humiliating!

Not to mention frustrating. It was a huge part of the reason that she and Remus were married! The law was suppose to induce the wizarding birth rate. Perhaps if she had known this before, she could have gotten some kind waiver not to get married. She could have opted out of the whole thing, for who would want a wife that could not carry on the family line?

But where would that have left Remus?

Hermione curled her fists in anger. Just as she was about to shove another chocolate down her throat, a knock sounded at the door.

"Hermione?" came Sirius's voice.

"What is it?" she snapped.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine!"

"In that case, can I come in?" he asked.

Before she could answer, Sirius opened the door and stepped into the room.

"Close the door" Hermione said. Sirius looked at the chocolate in her hands and the almost empty box and nodded. He closed the door and came and sat down next to her.

"Ginny was in the kitchen earlier"

Hermione said nothing.

"Is something the matter?" he asked gently.

"Why do you ask?"

"Ginny said that she was waiting for you at Hogwarts. She thought that you two were going to Floo home together."

"Oh. Well, that didn't happen."

"Obviously" Sirius said, "What is the matter Hermione?"

"I really should be telling Remus first" Hermione said, eying the now empty box mournfully.

"Oh Merlin! You are pregnant!" Sirius exclaimed excitedly,leaping for the door.

"No" Hermione said.

"But, I thought..." Sirius began.

"Well, you thought wrong" Hermione snarled throwing the empty box on the floor. "I can't have children apparently."

"What? Are you quite sure?" Sirius asked solemnly.

"Positive" she said.

"Well...damn" Sirius said, sitting back down, dazed. "How are you going to tell Remus?"

"I'm going to say, Dearest Remus, no matter how much we shag, fruit won't ripen on the tree! Christ, Sirius, how do I know how to tell him? I just found out" she said angrily.

"I'm very sorry" Sirius said, giving her a quick hug. Hermione stiffened in his arms.

"It's not your problem" Hermione told him, "It's mine"

"And Remus's" Sirius said, and then added quickly, "Look, its not that I don't care about you Hermione and what you must be going through. I do, but I'm devastated for you both. Despite his soap box stance on not having children that might carry his disease, Remus always wanted them"

"And now he can't them" Hermione said, "At least not with me"

Sirius was thoughtful for a moment.

"There is a small bright side" he offered. Hermione looked at him morosely.

"I won't get fat?"

"Not if you continue eating those" he joked, nudging the box with his foot. "But it will make you considerably safer if something does happen. The Death Eaters have a way of playing dirty. Ginny will have to have special protection now that she is carrying Harry Potter's child."

"Will Remus divorce me?" Hermione asked suddenly. Sirius turned red.

"Absolutely not! He is not a coward."

"But he can? Isn't that the slip out of Wizarding marriages?"

"Look Hermione, he would never do that! I would never let him, even if he wanted to!" Sirius said with an angry toss of his head.

"Its not an absurd question" Hermione said quietly, "After all, he is a man, and he wants children someday. This was a marriage of convenience, but he did not know that it was going to be like this. That he couldn't have things that he always wanted. Its unfair"

"Remus is the most honorable man that I know" Sirius said with finality, "And he would never divorce you"

"It would be better perhaps if he did" Hermione said getting up and collecting the chocolate wrappers that she had thrown on the floor.

"Now don't get yourself in a slump" Sirius offered helplessly. Hermione gave him a dark stare.

"Get out Sirius, I would like to be alone."

"Okay I will leave, but you will have to tell him eventually. You know this."

Hermione grabbed her wand from the nightstand and suddenly a flock of yellow canaries shot out and began pecking Sirius on the head.

Cursing and stumbling, he made his way out of the room and slammed the door.

"Idiot" Hermione mumbled, "He is going to find out eventually. Everyone will"

She put the trash in the small trash bin in the corner and straightened quickly when she heard a noise. She grabbed her wand, ready to send another flock after Sirius if it was him, but it wasn't.

It was an owl at the window.

Hermione opened the latch and let it come in. It was a nondescript Hogwart's owl.

"What are you doing here?" she asked the owl. It hooted and held out it's leg. There was a note and a small parcel attached to it's leg.

Opening up the drawer to her nightstand, she rummaged around for an owl treat. She gave it to him while she undid the parcel from it's leg.

Letting the window, she watched it fly back to Hogwart's before opening the letter.

"Forgive me"it read, and that was all.

Hermione opened the parcel and out spilled several blossoms of Primrose flowers.

Primrose, a flower that was supposedly a curative for melancholy.

Suddenly, Hermione did not feel so alone.


	11. Chapter 11

"Hermione, are you well?" Remus asked, coming forward to embrace his wife. He had just got home from Ollivanders and his robes were quite dusty.

"I'm fine" Hermione said, setting the tea kettle down. "I'm making a mild medicinal tea. Something for the mood, you know."

"Is something the matter?" Remus asked again, concern creasing his forehead.

"It's just primrose, its good for the monthly blues."

"Oh" Remus relaxed. "Did Madam Pomfrey give that you?" he asked, setting down his bag and reaching for a cup to get water.

"No, it was Snape."

"Oh," Remus said. "It's very fine out, would you like to go into the backyard and run through some drills with me? A refresher course on some basic defense?"

"That would be lovely" Hermione said, pouring a cup of prim rose tea for herself.

"I'm sorry you are feeling blue" he said, coming up beside her and rubbing her shoulders gently. "If you ever need to talk, I am here. You are my wife after all."

Hermione eyed his battered robes, thinking that she would need to get him some new ones before winter set in, that is if they had money.

Perhaps Christmas.

"Yes. Thank you. But it might just be the lack of inactivity. Ever since the Order meeting, I have had nothing to do! With the death of Minister, I have no outside activities to attend."

"Ollivander kept me as inconspicuous as possible" he told her, "I was in the back all day, shelving wands."

"He means well" she said.

"Yes, he does. I suppose now we will get a taste of what Sirius went through a few years ago. Utter boredom"

"Until I start working with Snape"

"Has he asked you to begin yet?"

Hermione tossed the hair out of her eyes as she blew on her tea. "Not yet"

"Ah. Well I bought this home for you." He laid a bar of chocolate on the table. Hermione looked at it with mixed feelings.

"You know, women, and ...cycles. Chocolate seems to help" he offered, blushing slightly.

Hermione gave her thanks and put it in her pocket.

"I will just finish this tea" she told him, "Then we can go outside"

"Ready?" Remus asked, putting his wand up and out. Hermione nodded tersely, taking a step back.

"I will try to take it easy on you, you haven't been training for a few days" Remus called out

"Constant vigilance!" Hermione shouted with a grin, feeling some of the tension from the day leave her.

"Expilarmus!" Remus said.

"Protego!" Hermione murmured, dodging Remus's wand shot.

"Silverius!" she whispered, pointing her wand at Remus, as shots of silvery strands reached out to grab at his ankles. He side stepped them quickly.

"Excellent Hermione!" he beamed, "I take it that was from the Auror Academy?"

"Yes" Hermione said, smiling for the first time that day.

"Well done" he said, clearly proud of his wife.

"Expilarmus!" Hermione was thrown on her back as her wand was taken from her.

"Sirius!" Remus snapped, "That was uncalled for! She wasn't even prepared."

"Precisely" Sirius said,stepping out from behind a tree and meeting Hermione's eye. "A little realistic training. You were being too soft on her Remus"

Remus walked over to Hermione and pulled her up.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes. Sirius, honestly!"

"Jut being realistic love" he said. Remus growled.

"It's alright Remus! Really" Hermione said brushing the dirt off her jeans. "To prove it, I shall take on both of you."  
"I'm ready" Sirius said, taking a defense stance. Remus looked uncertain.

"I don't know about this" he said.

"Remus, you heard the girl, she can take care of herself. She's going to be an Auror after all."

"Yell the safety word Amos if you get too tired" Remus told Hermione.

"Ready?" Sirius said. Before Hermione could answer, the first spell hit the tree she was standing next to.

She tried to disarm Sirius but he was too quick for her. As for Remus, he was being a gentleman and trying terribly hard to not hurt her. He did shield her defense spells however.

From time to time, he gave her a weak smile, but she could see that he was glancing at Sirius with something that was akin to concern and annoyance.

Breathing hard, Hermione tried to think of something creative to cast at Sirius when he pushed her into a corner of the yard with his defense.

"Sirius, that's enough!" Remus called out, holding out his wand but yet yards away from the pair.

Hermione gritted her teeth as she fought for control.

"She is getting the experience that she needs, Remus" Sirius said calmly.

"Confundus!"

Sirius side stepped it and then cast a non-verbal spell.

Hermione attempted to shield herself but then realized it was futile because Sirius has used the Imperius Curse on her!

Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to get the voice that was Sirius's out of her head.

"_Tell him!"_ it urged. _"Tell him about today"_

"No" Hermione said aloud.

_ "Tell him"_ the voice persisted. It became a loud pounding in her head. Hermione crouched low to the ground and put her hands over her ears.

_"Tell him! Tell him! Tell him!"_ the voice said, going round and round. Just as Hermione began to feel the last vestiges of her will leave her...it stopped.

Sirius had been thrown several feet away. He laid still on his back, quite unconscious. His wand was just out of his grasp.

"Acio wand"

Hermione slowly got up, her head aching from the curse.

"Hermione, are you alright?" Remus said, running up to her.

"Yes...I'm.."

"Get away from her you Mongrel!"came Snape's voice.

"I'm not going to hurt her" Remus said, with a growl in his throat.

"You weren't going to help her either."

"Hermione are you alright?" Remus asked again.

"I'm..." she began again, but then Snape stepped in front of her when Remus would have moved closer to her.

"I said, stay away from her dog" Snape said, annunciating each word. "Did I not make myself clear?"

"For Merlin's sake Severus, I'm only trying to help her" Remus said, a flush of heat rising to his voice. Hermione looked helplessly between them.

"Indeed. You helped her become cornered by Black? And then Imperiused? Tell me, does it give you a thrill to see your wife in mental captivity?"

"He didn't Imperius her! Did he, Hermione?"

"I'm fine" she said at last. "It was an Imperius, but Sirius knows that is my weakest point. We do it in training all the time." She was trying to make light of the situation because it seemed that if she had told all, that Sirius had ruthlessly invaded her mind for petty reasons, then it would become a fight between the two wizards.

And besides, some words were better left unsaid.

"If I ever see that you are simply standing idle while another hurts your wife, Lupin, we shall have words and I won't be using the softer coward's curse of Imperius" Snape snarled. "I came by to deliver your monthly potion, Dog. There is enough to last you three months"

He turned around in a billow of black robes, casting Sirius's wand in the shrubbery.

"Remember my words Lupin" he called out without turning around.

Hermione shuffled uneasily beside Remus. Glancing at Sirius's prone body, she sighed.

"That went well"


	12. Chapter 12

* For some reason this chapter was really hard to write.

After Hermione had finished her shower in the loo, she straightened her hair with some well placed hair charms that made her hair lie silky smooth. She rarely did this, but right now she didn't feel like bothering with the mess of curly hair.

She needed time to talk to Remus, without Sirius.

She could not believe what Sirius had done! The nerve! The sheer gall. Briefly, Hermione wondered about the peculiarities of Remus and Sirius's relationship. Were they lovers? Was that how it had been so long ago? Long before Hermione's time?

Hermione did not mind if that were the case. It would explain much. The constant need to be in Remus's business. His need to be involved in all major decisions of his life, including his marriage, forced as it were. Hermione did not care about the closeness of their relationship. She knew what it was like, being close friends with Ron and Harry. She only minded being left in the dark and then forced to deal with the mess that was Sirius.

Freshly showered, hair straight, she walked downstairs to the kitchen. When she got there, she saw Kreacher serving Sirius some tea. Sirius was sitting at the table with an icepack held close to his chin.

"Spell debris," he said, when saw her hovering in the doorway.

"Remus?" Hermione called.

"Here I am," Remus said. He was standing by the sink, rubbing his hands with soap and water.

"Sirius, I would ask you to leave so that I may speak with my husband," Hermione said in calm measured tones.

"Remus..." Sirius began, looking at his old friend.

"Sirius, out please, NOW!"

"Alright, I will be upstairs," he said, getting up from his chair. He gave Hermione a long look beneath a lock of his hair.

Hermione shrugged and gave him back an answering stare.

When he was gone, Remus turned to sit in the chair that Sirius had left. With a flick of his wand, he cleared away all the tea things so that the table was uncluttered.

He folded his hands on the table,and briefly, Hermione was reminded of the time that he once stood in as her professor.

He did not talk, instead, he waited for her to begin. Hermione marveled at his gentle patience, but this time it did not serve her. She did not want to disclose what she was going to say. She took a deep breath and sat in the chair across from him.

"Remus, I went to Madam Pomfrey, and she told me it was not likely that we would have children."

"I see," Remus said, uncurling his hands. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, perfectly fine."

"I'm glad," Remus said, giving Hermione a small smile. "Is that what was troubling you earlier?"

"Yes," Hermione admitted.

"I'm glad you told me," he said, reaching for her hand.

"What now?" Hermione asked, eager to get away from the subject of her reproductive failure. "As far as our marriage is concerned?"

"It still stands," he assured her. "They can't separate us now. Initially, if it was found that you ...err were unable to conceive before we were married, they could have prevented us. Now it's too late."

"I don't know what to say," Hermione murmured.

"I'm sorry that you were...are unhappy," Remus said. "I know that even though this marriage was for the sake of convenience...I know what a blow it must be for you to know that news about the children."

"I'm sorrier for you," Hermione said.

"Why on earth for?" Remus asked, "Hermione, do you know the chances of our child conceiving this curse? Why would I wish that on any child?"

"It was a chance, one in ten at most," Hermione insisted, "But I suppose this is most practical. Living day to day as we are. I don't envy Ginny when she thinks of the future."

"We must keep positive. We must keep hope alive."

"Everything seems so black. Every since the Minister was murdered..." Hermione looked away. "I fear it will become harder to fly under the radar now that I cannot conceive. Lucius Malfoy, I am sure, is just looking for a reason to annul our marriage."

"Wizarding marriages are harder to annul then muggle ones. It is not unheard of, but very rarely are they broken."

"So I read in my history classes."

"You need diversion Hermione. You need to get your mind away from this."

"I agree."

"Has Severus talk to you yet about starting work?"

"What?" Hermione asked surprised.

"The working with him. You remember he offered at the meeting?"

"Yes...I didn't think...after today..."

"I am not quite sure what happened today. Or with Sirius. The whole incident has me baffled."

"Sirius loves you, Remus," Hermione blurted out.

"Yes, he is my dearest friend..."

"No, Remus, it goes beyond that. I think he loves you as a man loves a woman." Remus colored.

"Hermione, we were all friends for such a long..." she held up her hand.

"I don't mind, Remus. I understand. I really do. But this has got to stop. Sirius has become...quite aggressive in the past few weeks."

"I see..." Remus said."I will talk with him, Hermione. Don't worry. We will get everything straightened up."

He sounded so buoyant, almost cheerful that Hermione stared. But then suddenly, Hermione understood that this was how Remus dealt with things. It seemed that he was avoiding the problem but Hermione guessed that he was as clueless as she was and perhaps his way would be the best way to resolve this tension.

"I will leave it up to you then," was all she could manage.

"Send an owl to Severus tonight. You need the diversion. It is part of what drives Sirius to act the way he does. Now that your Auror training has been put on hold, you have..."

"All the free time in the world?"

"Its not about money, Hermione. I am making enough at Ollivanders for now, its just that I worry. Minds like yours were not meant to be copped up."

Hermione thought of the other things that she wanted to say, but then she looked at Remus's tired strained face and held her tongue. It was very considerate of him wanting to practice defense with her after a long day of work. She knew that close to the full moon, his human body got weaker as it succumbed to the lycanthropy curse. Lifting boxes of wands became a strain on his muscles.

"I know, Remus, I know..." She put her hand on his and smiled.

…...

Remus had gone to the butchers it seemed after he had finished work. He had gotten some lamb for dinner, which he proudly presented to Hermione with a shy smile on his face. He was happy to be finally providing something towards the food that they shared

Hermione was grateful for the food, it gave her something to do. Remembering her fiasco with the canned soup, Hermione hoped that this time, with fresh ingredients, her cooking skills would improve.

While Sirius sulked upstairs, Hermione and Remus busied themselves in the kitchen. They cut up potatoes and carrots and an onion. By sheer luck, they also stumbled upon some fresh rosemary and thyme in the herb rack. They were going to have lamb stew.

Kreacher stood off by himself in a corner, muttering dark words about mudbloods and kitchens. He had been put out because he had not been allowed to help.

When Hermione had relented and asked him to cut up some French bread, he gave a loud curse and tore up the bread with such gusto that it was in shreds.

Back to the corner after that.

When the stew was merrily bubbling in the cauldron, Hermione sat at the kitchen table and idly transfigured an apple into a mouse. Remus had found her endeavors amusing and offered to teach her more advanced transfigurations.

Together they sat at the table and transfigured apples into various objects like rabbits, bonsai trees and sneakers. When their laughter reached a certain point, Sirius came into the kitchen,demanding what was the matter with them.

Hermione got up quickly and transfigured the apples back to their original shapes. Remus told him that dinner was almost ready. Deciding now was a good time to leave the two alone for their private talk, Hermione excused herself and went up to her room.

Maneuvering the dark hallways of Grimmauld Place, she walked with a purpose.

Going into the spartan bedroom that she and Remus shared, she walked over to her school satchel and pulled out a sheet of parchment. The desk was clear of clutter so she could write her letter there.

Chewing on the nib of her quill, Hermione thought carefully about what she was going to say. Putting pen to paper, she began in her loose curvy feminine writing.

"Dear Severus,"

Hermione put down her quill and groaned. "Dear Severus?" Honestly, how did her letter writing become so cliché and less to the point?

Now to the point.

"You offered me a job assisting you in potion preparations. I am ready to be at your disposal any time you require."

That was direct and to the point. Not seeing the need for any more tete a tete, Hermione signed her name and folded the parchment. She summoned her owl and tied the letter, rather note note, to it's leg.

"Go take this to Professor Snape at Hogwarts," she told the owl. It hooted and then scampered out to the open window.

Hermione dallied around her bedroom for ten minuets. She thought that maybe the owl would be back but then logically deduced that Owls weren't that fast at delivering mail. Likely she would receive a reply by tomorrow.

She hoped that she had given Remus enough time for his talk with Sirius.

…...


	13. Chapter 13

* For those of you that live in Chicago like me, I feel your pain. Spent hours outside digging out my car. Now I have a chill. Stupid snow.

"Come dressed to brew. Be at my labs tomorrow by nine."

He did not sign it.

Hermione sighed and turned over the small note in her hands. She had just finished dinner and had returned to her bedroom that she shared with Remus when an Owl tapped at the window.

"Is that Severus's reply?" Remus asked, coming in the room.

"Yes," Hermione said. "Terse as usual."

Remus chuckled.

"Have you talked to Sirius?"

"Yes. I think it went well." Remus twirled his wand idly in his hands. "Hermione, I want you to know that if circumstances were different, I would have found us a place to live. Not at Grimmauld place."

"I know," Hermione said. "I sometimes wished I had kept my parents house so that we would have somewhere that was our own."

"The Death Eaters knew of its location anyways," Remus said. Hermione looked away with a pained expression. He tapped his wand agitatedly against his thigh. "Hermione, I know there is an awkwardness between you and Sirius, and I can guess why," Hermione opened her mouth to speak but Remus held up his hand.

"You are a lovely Witch Hermione. I was aware of your...attractiveness before we were married." Hermione saw that his face was colored pink. She knew what it was costing him to speak of such things.

"Yeah, well it's not as if you were marrying Trelawney."

Remus laughed and then sat on the bed. "My point is, Sirius can't help himself around pretty women."

Hermione made a non-committal sound. "I'm sure that excuse has worn a bit thin now."

"I'm sorry Hermione. Please come to me if there are any more problems. You are my wife."

"And Sirius is your friend. I'm the one who should be sorry Remus. This has been a mess of my own making."

"I'm sure you had help," Remus said, not unkindly.

Hermione said nothing.

"Come to bed Hermione. You look tired."

She nodded and went to fetch a pair of flannel pajamas. "I expect we will have some more snow by the feel of the weather."

Remus lit a candle and put it beside the bed. Hermione noticed that he was dressed for sleep as well.

"I'm glad Sirius gave us such a large bed. I tend to toss and turn at night. I was afraid that I would keep you awake."

Picking up her hairbrush, Hermione began to brush her hair. "It doesn't matter. I am constantly becoming awake at the slightest noise. I'm what you call a light sleeper."

"You know Hermione, now that...well, we are not going to be having children, we can have separate bedrooms. If you wish."

"I had not thought of that," Hermione said slowly. "It never occurred to me."

"So that you know," Remus said, turning to his side.

…...

The next morning, she rose early and dressed in a pair of old robes. She made sure her hair was tied back with a thick rubber band so it would not get in the way with potion brewing.

She said good morning to Remus who was brushing his teeth in the loo and went downstairs to make some tea.

When she got there, Kreacher was already there. He stood before the stove, lighting one of it's burners with a flick of his fingernail.

"Missus Mudblood requires tea?" he growled.

"Yes, but not if you are going to poison it."

"Don't fear. He knows I hid all the major poisons in the house."Hermione glanced towards the table and saw that Sirius was up with his face buried in a newspaper.

"Good morning Sirius."

"Morning." Sirius put down his paper. Hermione noted that he was reading the Daily Prophet.

"They started using the dementors for attacks." Sirius licked his thumb and turned another page.

Hermione went ashen.

"Oh dear," was all she managed to get out.

"Things are getting very bad, Hermione. Be sure that you can pull off a patronus. A strong one."

"Yes..." she stuttered out. She pulled out a chair and sat down. Kreacher came by her and slammed a cup of tea down. Some it spilled on the table.

"Can you imagine..." she began and then stopped. How stupid of her! Sirius spent years surrounded by Dementors!

"Yes?" Sirius asked.

"Nothing," she said, and then reconsidered.

"How do you even manage a patronus, now that you are free? Did being around them for so long affect you? Somehow permanently weaken your defenses?"

"I can cast a patronus," Sirius said shortly. "The ability never left me, though at times, it is hard. As you know I couldn't very well do it in Azkaban because I had no wand."

"What do you think of? Your happiest memories?" The subject always fascinated Hermione. She wondered if certain pleasant memories were stronger than others. Love for instance, seemed that it would be.

"My friends."

"Oh."

"What do you think of? Books?"

"No, I think of my friends also," Hermione admitted. She let the book comment slide past.

"Friends are the dearest gift that life has to give," Sirius said. "I would do anything for my friends."

"Indeed," Remus said, coming into the kitchen. He was smiling. Hermione looked at the pair of them and something inside her twinged.

"You should eat something if you are going to be working today."

"Working? Where are you going, Hermione?"

"Hogwarts."

"Snape has offered Hermione a position as his assistant. Preparing potions." Sirius gave the young witch a look. Hermione refused to blush.

"Well... be careful not to blow yourself up."

"I won't."

"Will Missus Mudblood eat a scone?" Kreacher said, offering Hermione a plate fulls of scones.

"Wait!" Sirius said, grabbing one before Hermione. He bit off a piece and chewed.

"Nope, its alright. He didn't poison these."

Remus laughed. "Last night I fed the houseplant the milk he offered to me. This morning I checked and it has shriveled up and died."

"From now I guess I shall be the official food checker," Sirius said, rubbing his stomach. "I will get as fat as Santa Claus in the process."

"When the moon is full you can run it off with me in the Forbidden Forest."

"Brilliant. You should think of becoming an Animagus, Hermione. It could come in handy," Sirius told her.

"I have talked with McGonagall about it," she admitted, "We discussed a cat form."

"That would not come in handy when you are dealing with a Werewolf," Sirius said.

"Whatever you choose, Hermione, it will be fine with me. You don't have to come out with me like Sirius does," Remus insisted. Hermione smiled sadly.

"I will think about it, maybe I could find something different." Hermione had liked the idea of becoming a cat like her mentor. It was small and easily went unnoticed. Stealth was good when you were considering becoming an Auror.

Maybe a horse? A bunny?

"When you are done eating, Hermione, I will escort you to Hogwarts before I leave for Ollivanders. You know the Order does not want you to be alone."

"She won't be alone at Hogwarts, mate" Sirius said from behind his newspaper. Remus glanced at him in annoyance.

"I'm not really hungry. I'm sure I can get lunch there if I get hungry." Remus nodded.

"Be sure that you do. I will come fetch you when I am finished."

"Kreacher can pack you a lunch," Sirius offered. Hermione looked at the puddle of spilt tea.

"Umm...no thanks. I want to be alive the next time Professor Snape has work for me to do."

"Kreacher, please fetch Mrs. Lupin's cloak. You are going to need it if you are going to be working in the dungeons."

"It looks like a late snow might be at hand," Remus said, lifting the window curtain.

"Thank you, Sirius." The fact that Sirius used her married name did not escape Hermione's notice. But she choose to keep the peace.

With a huge frown, Kreacher left the kitchen in search of Hermione's cloak. Under his breath, he muttered about Mudboods and timely deaths.

When he came back, he practically threw Hermione's black cloak in her lap and left the kitchen.

"Thank you Kreacher," Hermione called but the house elf did not turn back. She drew her cloak on and put the hood over head.

"Whenever you are, Remus."

Remus got the Flow Box from the shelf. He took a handful and then gave Hermione the bowl.

"See you tonight, Sirius."

"Have a good day," Sirius said.

…...

It felt strange having Remus walk her through the corridors of Hogwarts. It made her realize that not long ago, he once walked these halls as her professor of defense. Hermione wondered if he missed teaching.

She thought that perhaps after the war, when things were settled, he could come back to Hogwarts and resume his position. With Voldermort gone, there would be a feeling of good will towards all wizarding kind, including Werewolves.

Hermione shook her head at these naïve thoughts. It seemed unlikely from where she was standing now. The wizarding world would always have its prejudices. Dark Lord or not.

When they reached Snape's classroom, Remus turned to her and said," I think I will leave you here. I do not want to make your day worse by trying Severus's patience by coming in. I will come fetch you after work."

"Yes, good idea."

Remus leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Hermione lifted her brown eyes to him.

"Be safe, Hermione."

"Be safe Remus."

She watched him turn the corner, feeling strange feelings in her heart. If she had to say what she was feeling at the moment, she would have replied that it was aching.

She began to understand the emptiness that she had entered when she became Remus's life. He had love for Dora and Sirius, but for her?


	14. Chapter 14

* Thank you guys for reviewing. I am having so much fun with this story. I have an idea of what is going to happen. Now if only my fingers typed fast enough. Sometimes chapters like these take me an hour. And then other days, I get writers block and pace around for awhile in my apartment, thinking about dialogue. Gotta love that creative process. Now only if I got paid for it...lol. Just kidding. I love your reviews.

Severus was already in the process of brewing when she walked in the Potions classroom. He did not look up from his work.

"We are brewing a blood replenishing potion. Prepare the dung beetles. One third of an inch." He continued stirring.

Hermione took off her cloak and put it on a chair. She rolled up her sleeves and went to get a chopping board and knife from one of the cabinets. She also found the bottle that was labeled "Dung Beetles." She sat at one of the potion tables and began to chop.

The beetles were dry, so she heaped them onto a bit of wax paper and moved it to the side to be weighed.

She worked until she had three sheets of wax paper full of beetles. The bottle was empty.

"Grate three boughs of sage and lemon grass," Snape said. He was tapping the cauldron with his wand, counting under his breath.

She got the sage and the lemon grass which was stored hanging up from the ceiling inside the supplies closet. She found the grater and began to grate it.

"Sir, the seeds?"

"Leave them in."

She rubbed the stalks and leaves. It was a bit harder because the seeds had to be crushed, but it was easy work.

They worked in silence for two hours. Hermione only made noise when she put her grater down to rest her shoulders.

When Severus made move to have her assist in the brewing phase, Hermione left her grater willingly. With little instruction, she cleared two cauldrons of blood replenishing potion under his watchful eye.

When it was noon, Snape informed her that she had an hours break and then swept from the room, his black robes trailing behind him.

Hermione shrugged and grabbed her cloak from the chair. It had gotten chilly. She put it on and walked to the Great Hall.

Eating a bowl of soup in the Hall, she decided that if things were going to be like today, they could get along very well indeed.

It was as if she did not exist for him.

Hermione did not know if that was a good thing.

…...

At the end of the day, they bottled up the blood replenishing potion. The Potions Master instructed the witch to take three vials to be at hand at Grimmauld Place.

"With that idiot Black masquerading around as a hero, no doubt this will come in use," he said darkly as he directed the rest of the vials to be stored inside a cabinet by use of his wand.

Hermione said nothing. A glance at her watch showed her that it five o'clock.

"When will you need me again?" she asked. Snape glowered at her.

Indeed, when would he need her again?

"Be here tomorrow at the same time." He did not need to remind her to be dressed appropriately.

He left the room before she has so much a chance as to nod.

She picked up the vials and pocketed them carefully, then she pushed back her stool and went outside to the corridor to wait for Remus.

…...

Weeks went by in this manner. She worked during the day for Snape. Brilliant Potions Master that he was, he had several patented specialties that he brewed for sale at various Apothecaries in Britain. He had improved many of the qualities of several intense healing Potions, such as the Blood Replenishing and the infamous Skelo-Grow. The supply for the Order was completed in under two weeks.

In her spare time, which was a few hours at night, Hermione got together with Ron and Harry to study. With their books spread out before them at the kitchen table in Grimmauld Place, they discussed defense theories and attack strategies. Remus, when he was not tired, mentored their discussions. When the weather permitted, they practiced in the yard.

It was strange how things seemed to be going along as normal. With the news of the Dementor attacks, there ceased to be any news of Dark deeds at all. Ron and Harry were still able to go to their Auror training. Remus made it back and forth from Ollivanders unharmed. The student life at Hogwarts continued. Order Meetings were repetitive of the information already heard in the past. Ron drew it up to luck, but Hermione knew better.

They were waiting.

On a dismal cold night, Hermione said goodbye to the boys as she gathered up her study materials. Harry asked her if she needed any help, but she said no, and told him to go home to Ginny. With quick hugs, the boys left her alone in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place.

It was late and for some reason Remus was not at home. Hermione was not worried because he had sent his Patronus earlier, telling her that he would be late and not to worry. Hermione calculated that this was the third time that he had done this.

The gas lamps in the kitchen were slowly lowering their light. Hermione glanced around to make sure that she had not forgotten anything and then went up to her room where her school trunk was to put back her books.

As she walked up the creaking steps, Hermione thought back to the weeks of seemingly normalcy.

Hermione thought back to the muggle detective book she had as a pre-teen. The book had several highlighted cases of muggle murders and bloody homicides. It had gone on at some length about a case in New York and a schizophrenic man who called himself The Son of Sam. It was at this time that criminal profiling had become popular.

At the end of the day, though, the detectives realized that the criminal profile that they created, although drew a better description of the man they were dealing with, did not help in any way to determine when he would kill again. They only knew that he would kill again and they would have to wait.

Hermione mused that perhaps Voldermort's followers were having trouble harnessing the Dementor's for their side. The Dementors did not reason as humans did. It was a wonder that they were keep so long at Azkaban.

Still, if anyone could harness the dark power of the Dementor's, it would be Voldermort.

Hermione still was lost in her thoughts as she continued to put her school books away. She did not notice a presence slip into the room.

"Hermione?"

"Gods, Sirius!" She whirled around and had her wand out and pointed.

"Easy, its just me." Sirius he;d up his hands.

"You should not sneak up like that. Make some noise."

"Sorry. I should know better than to surprise an Auror in training."

"It's alright," Hermione said as she turned her back to him and let the last of her books fall into place in her trunk.

"Have you seen Remus? I am getting a little worried."

"No, but he sent his patronus here earlier when we were all studying."

"Did he?"

"Yes, he said not to worry, that he was going to be late."

"Oh, alright. "

"Do you think something is the matter?" Hermione asked, now concerned.

"No, I think he is like you said, fine."

"If you are sure." Hermione went to her dresser drawer and removed a pair of flannel pajamas.

"Care to join me for a night cap? Or a cup of chocolate?" Hermione smiled at the earnestness of Sirius's offer. It was his overture of peace.

"Yes. Let me change and I will be down directly."

"Grab a dressing gown. I will have Kreacher re-lite the fire."

"Alright" she said.

Sirius left the room and Hermione changed quickly. She found her dressing gown on the hook of the bathroom. She shrugged into it quickly, shivering at a draft.

Padding downstairs in her slippers, she found Sirius at the table pouring her a cup of hot chocolate.

"It smells delicious."

"I had it ordered from Honeydukes."

Smiling wickedly, Sirius drew out of his pocket a flask.

"Brandy?"

"A little. It is cold down here."

Sirius poured some brandy into the steaming cup and pushed it towards Hermione. Hermione sat at the table with her feet curled underneath her.

"How is training going?"

"Frustrating. It hard to keep up when you are not in the classroom."

"I talked to Mad-Eye about arranging a private session just for you. He agreed to set it up with at the next Order meeting."

"Oh, thank you Sirius!" Hermione gushed. Sirius looked a bit red but pleased.

"It's nothing. Harry mentioned it to me the other day. You have him to thank."

"It's a wonder that Harry has any time to think at all about me with all that's on his plate."

"I was thinking about throwing Ginny a baby shower here, what do you think?"

"I think Mrs. Weasley would be grateful for the extra space," Hermione said. "It would bring a cheer to this house."

"Harry deserves this. I am so happy for him. Another Potter for the world."

"Yes," Hermione looked down, feeling a tug at her heart for a moment.

"Don't fret love," Sirius said.

"I'm not. You know I am not."

"Liar."

Hermione laughed. "Remus and I can't support a child between our incomes now."

"I would have helped."

"I know." A pause, "Sirius, how is that you are not married? You are a pure blood. Your name was cleared with the last Ministry."

"That's just it love, the last Ministry. When Malfoy took over, I went underground again. You notice that I rarely leave the house?"

"I had not given it much though..." Hermione admitted.

"I would not shackle some poor witch to me," he said bitterly.

"No, but you would induce Remus to marry me."

"Are you so unhappy being Mrs. Lupin?"

"No. Remus is kind to me," she said, thinking of his hard work at Ollivanders. "He is kind and gentle. He tries so hard not to be a burden."

"That is Remus. I never thanked you, Hermione. For saving him."

"He saved me as well," Hermione said.

"You could have married the Greasy Git." Hermione was shocked.

"Don't call him that," she told him.

"You don't have our history," Sirius said.

"No, but you don't have mine." Hermione sighed and looked down at her cup. The brandy was warming her toes. "He could not have married me."

"Spying?" Sirius guessed.

"Yes, if the Dark Lord knew...well," Hermione left off blankly.

"So he has some honor after all," Sirius mused. Hermione looked indignant.

"Plenty, I assure you." Sirius laughed.

"Relax Hermione. I will try to refrain from picking on Snape in your hearing but you know what they say, you can't teach a dog new tricks."

"You..." Hermione began but then suddenly there was movement from the hearth. Remus stepped through brushing floo powder off his sleeves.

"Hello," he said, taking in Sirius and Hermione sitting amicably at the table.

"You alright there, mate?" Sirius asked.

"Yes, I just had some business to take care. No worry."

"Would you like some hot chocolate Remus? Sirius says its from Honeydukes."

"No, I think I will turn in. Ollivanders wants me in the morning."

"Alright" Hermione said. She set down her cup. "Thank you Sirius," she told him.

"Good night, Mrs. Lupin," he said softly.

Hermione turned to follow Remus up the steps but he was gone. She walked through the cold house, shivering.

When she reached her bedroom, she noticed that Remus was in the bathroom, taking a shower.

Still shivering, she turned the bed and burrowed under the covers. With her wand, she extinguished the lights in the room.

When Remus came out of the bathroom, he stumbled in the dark.

"Shall I turn the lights back on?" she called.

"No need," he said. He got into the bed and pulled the covers tight around him.

Hermione waited for his breathing to deepen. When that happened, she knew that he was asleep. With her wand, she whispered, "lumos" and went into the bathroom.

Going towards the hamper, she began to take out the dirty clothes that had been piled inside.

Grabbing the red sweater that she had seen him wear under his robes earlier that day, she held it out before her.

_What am I doing?_

She looked at it and then threw it back in the pile of clothes.


	15. Chapter 15

"Hermione, would you like to review my defense notes?"

"Hermione?"

"HERMIONE! Oy, Harry, what's wrong with her?"

A quick snap of fingers in her face. Hermione's eyes focused and her attention was brought back to the present. She shook her head and smiled apologetically at the two.

"Sorry, I was thinking about something."

"Are you alright, Hermione?" Harry asked. Ron was looking at her frowning.

"Yes, of course!" she insisted. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I dunno, you look kind of dazed?" Ron asked suspiciously. "It something wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, I just had trouble sleeping last night," she told them. Which was true, she did have trouble sleeping last night.

"This old house is a bit creaky and creepy at night,"Harry said, pushing up his glasses and glancing around the kitchen. "It doesn't help any that Kreacher sneaks around doing Merlin knows what."

"He does some marvelous cooking though," Ron said, reaching for another scone that lay before them heaped on a plate at the table.

"It does get...a bit ghostly here," Hermione admitted. "Especially at night

"You share a bedroom with Remus, and if anywhere is safe in this house, it's with him," Harry said firmly. "I've read that Werewolves are very protective of their mates."

"Have you?" Hermione asked, now intrigued.

"Yes, Hermione, you aren't the only one that reads among us," Harry admonished jokingly. Ron rolled his eyes.

"Werewolves are fierce," Ron said, around the mouthful of scone that he was chewing. "I heard even ghosts are afraid of them."

"Fancy that, and Remus seems so gentle" Hermione said, tapping her wand against her chin thoughtfully.

"Well he wasn't so gentle in Third year when he transformed," Ron said.  
Hermione waved Ron's comment away. "Harry where did you read that information, about Werewolves?"

"In the Auror Library. They have a section devoted to umm...the more fiercer creatures that we may come across."

"Damn, and the only way I can get in there is Polyjuiced."

"You have access to Snape's store room, I heard," Ron said practically.

"I don't want to risk it. This is much bigger than prancing around Hogwarts trying to find the Opener of the Chamber of Secrets. We would be trying to evade Lucius Malfoy's Ministry."

"Hermione, I will just copy out what I saw and bring it to you," Harry said, much amused at his two friend's thinking.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Hermione asked. "Thank you Harry. I appreciate this more than you know."

"Are you afraid of Remus?" Harry asked, lowering his voice to a whisper.

"Of course not!" Hermione retorted.

"Then why the need for the Werewolf information?"

"In case it escaped your notice, Harry, we are married. Perhaps it would be a good thing to know more about his kind. Who knows what might happen?"

Ron shrugged. "If Lavender turned out to be a Werewolf, I am not sure I would want to know more about her kind. Everyone knows that Werewolves are fierce. People don't study them a lot to know more. I imagine they can't stay close enough without them ripping their bodies to shreds. Rather hard to hold a quill after that point."

"Poetic, Ron as usual."

I will get you the notes next time I come for studying," Harry told her.

…...

Later that night, Hermione sat at the kitchen table alone with her notes spread out before her. According to Harry and Ron, the Auror academy was doing a course load of work on past criminals. Hermione saw from her notes that most of these Wizards were indited for things they did during the first war. Names like Lestrange, Nott, Raspier, Crabb...Malfoy dotted the various parchments before her.

Harry had bought several sheets of parchment with information on various Dark Wizards from his class. He told Hermione that the instructor had passed them out, admonishing his students to pay strict attention to the detail of the crimes Some of sheets had moving pictures. The pictures contained not only images of the Wizard's themselves, but also of their work.

Murders. Prone bodies. Dark marks.

Hermione's eyes burned from scanning each parchment quickly. Inside her mind, she imagined that she could see these murders, these dark and terrible deeds. She could hear their voices as well as the victim's cries and groans of pain.

A part of her wondered at the type of dark magic used. Her professional instinct searched for particular strategies and methods long abandoned and hardly mentioned in classrooms because of it's evil nature. These parchments were of particular fascination then because they were so detailed. Everything that she had wanted to know but never dared ask was in them.

Hermione tried to chide herself for being attracted to the morbidness of these particular crimes but another part of her reasoned that it was good to know what they were up against. It was dangerous thinking, she knew, or she thought she did, that if you could understand something it became less dangerous. Or more alluring.

She laid aside the parchments and sighed.

She wondered what was the intent of the Auror academy in paying so much attention to these past crimes. Of course it was important to know for history's sake, she mused, but it was downright eerie that the Instructors would pass around these detailed parchments with the specifics on what Dark magic was done.

It was almost like an instruction sheet.  
"Hello? Hermione?"

It was Sirius coming in the floo with bags of groceries.

"Sirius? Why on earth did you go grocery shopping! You are suppose to be hiding. We could have sent Kreacher."

Sirius set the bags of food on one of the counters.

"Kreacher is more recognized than am I. Narcissa or even Malfoy would recognize him immediately."

"Oh, I forgot."

"I was polyjuiced No need to worry."

"Whose hair did you take?"

Sirius looked amused.

"Filch."

"No!"

Yes, and believe me, it was not pleasant."

"Do you need me to help?" Hermione asked, preparing to get up and clear her school books off the table.

"No, I will get Kreacher. Stay where you are," he said. "Kreacher!" There was a pop and a very a disgruntled Kreacher appeared in the kitchen.

"Master called?" Kreacher croaked out, bowing low to his filthy toe nails.

"Yes, put these groceries away." Kreacher growled.

"As Master wishes...the no good son of Black...Oh my Mistress would turn over in her grave..."

"Enough Kreacher. Do this in silence! Or I will give you clothes!" Sirius threated. Kreacher immediately shut up. He worked quickly until all the food was put away. Giving Sirius an evil glare, he scurried out of the kitchen, muttering darkly under his breath.

"Do you know where Remus is?" Hermione asked.

"He might be still working," Sirius said, checking his watch. "Do you need help with anything?"

"No, Harry and Ron were here earlier and we were studying. It's getting dark though and I was wondering where he was." Sirius frowned and went over to a small chalkboard that hung in one of the corners of the kitchen.

"Divulgis," he muttered and pointed his wand at it. Nothing.

"He had no Order work tonight. Most likely Ollivanders is keeping him for some extra hours."

"Alright," Hermione said and went back to her work. This time, she kept the parchments hidden under her defense book.

"Sirius?"

"Yes?" He was busy pairing an apple with a knife and did not look up.

"What do you know of Werewolves and their mates?" Sirius smiled.

"Mooney never told you? That's strange. Well, from what I know, Werewolves mate for life."

"Even if one of them dies?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, I think so at least. I hear they are very protective...possessive of their mates."

"Remus doesn't seem that way," Hermione said.

"No? Well, perhaps its because you two are freshly married. He hasn't had time to mark you. Tell me, does his wolf talk to you?"

"You mean his Werewolf? The Werewolf?"

"Yes. Has he surfaced in some ways and communicated?"

"No. I have never seen that side of Remus, except for our Third Year."

"He must be trying hard to control him."  
"That seems like him," Hermione sighed. "Well no matter. I don't care if he marks me, I was just curious about Werewolves and their mating practices. I'm ashamed to admit that I did not read up on this before the wedding."

"Would it have made a difference?"

"No of course not," Hermione insisted, "I just like to know these things."

"Of course,"Sirius said, throwing the core in the waste bin. "Apple?"

"No thanks."

"Do I smell Spiderwart?" Sirius said, sniffing. Hermione blushed and tried to gather her robes closer to her.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I spent the day cloistered in the Potion Labs brewing. Spiderwart was our main ingredient."

"Indeed, well, it smells ghastly love."

"I'm going to take a shower," Hermione said, ashamed that she had not noticed in all of her studying. What must Ron and Harry thought about her smell?

"Please do," Sirius said, fanning the air. Hermione left the kitchen quickly. Before she reached her rooms, she ran into Kreacher on the landing of the stairs.

"Omph..Sorry Kreacher! I didn't see you."

"Missus Mudblood smells wretched...Oh what would my Mistress say to know that a filthy, stinking..."

"Alright, Kreacher, I know I smell. No need to rub it in," Hermione said, beginning to get irritated at the elf.

"No worse than Missus Mudblood Wolf. He that stinks of the Blood Traitor Witch..."

"What?" Hermione gasped.

Kreacher pointed with a long finger to one of the spare bedrooms."Go sees for yourself. Missus Mudblood has eyes...and ears... smelly that she is. Oh My poor Mistress! The noble House of Black..."

Kreacher continued to clatter down the stairs, cursing angrily.

Hermione stood rooted to the spot. Her ears looked towards the bedroom that Kreacher had pointed at. It was a distance from the bedroom that she shared with Remus.

_Must I know? What good would it do? It is a marriage of convenience. He does not love me._

Gathering her courage, she moved forward in the dimly lit hallway. Pressing her trembling hand to the door, she pressed it open and took a tentative step inside the room.


	16. Chapter 16

Sigh. Thanks everybody for the kind and wonderful reviews! That said, if anyone in the Chicago Area wants to give me a job until the Fall, let me know. LOL. Sent out 24 resumes so far.

_**Hermione Lupin**_

Hermione opened the door and stepped inside.

Nothing. The floor boards creaked as she walked into the center of the room.

She saw that there was a bed, but it was made and the sheets were tucked in. The pillows were fluffed and sat ready at the top. It was a spare bedroom, used for Order Meetings when people needed to stay over. The dresser was empty and the bed stands stood vacant as well. Nothing seemed amiss. Except that the window was open.

Hermione crossed the room and went to stand before the open window. The curtain was fluttering in the breeze.

Hermione reached for the latch and closed the window. The room stood empty and cold.

What did Kreacher mean by those cryptic words? Who was the "Pure Blood traitor"? Was Remus engaging in secret trysts with his lover in this room?

And most importantly did it matter? Although she was Mrs. Remus Lupin,did she have any say in what he did?

An empty room did not prove anything. Remus was working no doubt.

Suspiciously so, though.

Hermione glanced at the plain gold band that adorned her ring finger. Remus Lupin. Her Husband.

Did it matter?

It was a marriage of convenience. They were both the saving of each other. He needed more saving than she did, but still.

Hermione glanced around the room once more. Sighing in defeat, she walked out and closed the door.

…...

Hermione was immensely grateful for Severus's move to have her assist him in his labs. Each Friday, he gave her an envelope with enough galleons to provide food and clothes for herself and Remus. He usually slammed it down in front of her and left before she could utter her thanks. She suspected that he was paying her much more than the average Potion's assistant received.

They both never said much. He barked out terse commands and instructions and Hermione followed wordlessly. They sometimes worked for hours in complete silence. Hermione was glad on one hand that he did not reproach her again for her marriage to Lupin, but another part of her longed for him to say anything to her. Anything at all. A remark on the weather would do. Its as if he were punishing her with his silence.

She missed him. She longed for him

His long thin fingers touched cauldrons and stirring rods and potion ingredients, but never her. Snape's so eyes sought vials and watched measurements, but he never looked directly at her face.

Remus for his part, continued to come late. He told Hermione and Sirius that he was working. His demeanor and manner was gentle with Hermione. He helped her with her Auror work and practiced Defense Spells with her. On nights when he was home early, they cooked together and talked with Sirius late into the night.

They laughed and talked like good friends when the atmosphere permitted them. But it was never completely easy between them. Hermione ached to ask him about his werewolf nature and why he had never called out to her yet. They were married and she thought that she should know that side of him. Every time she sought to ask, her courage failed her.

The full moon came and went but he, Mooney, never surfaced.

The whole thing continued to bother her. She was kept awake at night, thinking about the part of Remus that she did not know. Kreacher's words came back to haunt her.

_Blood traitor._

Harry had been true to his word and slipped her a parchment containing the section on Werewolves from the Auror Library on Mythical Creatures. It read just like Sirius and Harry had told her. Werewolves mated for life. When they choose their mate they would mark them with a small bite or scratch, letting other werewolves know of their mated status.

Hermione suspected that Remus never spent much time amongst Werewolves in a pack setting. For one thing, it was very dangerous and most of the members were committed to unsavory deeds. However, this mating ritual seemed like it would exist outside of a pack setting. It was a werewolf's nature to mark his mate. Hermione wondered in vain why he had never marked her.

After all, they were married.

…...

On a night when they were alone in the house, Hermione approached Remus in the Library of Grimmauld Place. Sirius had gone to the Leaky Cauldron, disguised of course, to get a drink. He jokingly told them that he would leave the two love birds alone.

Hermione had used that time to take a long bath while Remus read. When she was finished, she dressed herself in flannel nightgown and put on her heavy dressing gown. Slipping into some house slippers, she went in search of Lupin.

He was in the Library, sitting in an old worn arm chair, sipping a butter beer and reading an unmarked book.

"Remus?" He put the book down.

"Hermione? You did not go to bed?"

"No." She drew closer.

"Is something the matter?" His grey eyes sought hers in concern. Hermione drew her dressing gown closer and sat on love seat across from his chair.

"I need to ask you something," she said. Remus straightened in his chair.

"What is it?"

"You know that Werewolves have mates, right?"

"I am aware of that," he answered slowly.

"Well, I was wondering..." she paused, unsure of how to broach this, "Why is it that you haven't marked me?"

Remus gave a long shuddering sigh.

"Hermione, you must know that I care deeply for you. Even more so than before we were married." She nodded. She knew his words were true.

"I would never do something to deliberately hurt you," he said.

"Neither would I," she told him. He rubbed his hands together and looked down at them.

"I was afraid of this happening," he said sadly.

"What?" she asked, afraid now.

"Hermione, do you love me?"

"No, I mean...I care for you, we are married. You are my husband for life..I vowed on my wedding day that there would be no other."

"Hermione, I must admit, that I do not love you the way that Ginny and Harry love one another," he told her gently. He left his chair and moved to sit beside her on the love seat.

"I see," she said. She felt a funny tingling in the back of her throat.

"I would gladly die for you. I would do anything to protect you."

Hermione coughed back a sob.

"I realize that, Remus. I really do." Remus put his arms around her and gave her a gentle hug.

"Can I ask, then Remus, why I am not your mate? Is it because you do not love me?"

"No. It's not because of that," Remus looked away. His face was troubled and weary looking.

"Why then?"

"It's because it is Dora."

"You knew this before we were married?" Hermione asked steadily.

"You have to remember Hermione, I spend so much time repressing my wolf nature. It did nothing before when we were together. It never surfaced. I thought that when we were married it would surface and you would know him in some vague way. But I think, it was Dora all along. Even though I didn't know it, it choose her. My wolf is already mated."

"You still love her?" Hermione asked, clenching her hands. Remus looked directly at her.

"Do you ever stop loving someone you once loved?" he asked. When she didn't answer, he moved on.

"I'm more sorry than I can say about this whole thing. You are so young Hermione. So full of life. I told you this before we were married that you might regret being with me."

"The only thing that I regret is that you did not tell me that you loved her. That you love her still!" Hermione stood up."The fact that you do makes this whole thing more of a farce than it already is."

"I'm so sorry Hermione," Remus said sadly. "You are right I should have known and told you, but I didn't think. For once in my life I did not think. This situation was so unexpected. I know it's an excuse, but I beg you to forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive," Hermione said shortly, "Just remember discretion. For all intents and purposes the Wizarding World knows me as Mrs. Hermione Lupin."

She left the library, heading for the bedroom that was cold from the drafts of Grimmauld place, but now made colder by the realities of a loveless marriage.

…...


	17. Chapter 17

It had been a week since Remus had told Hermione that he did not love her.

For a week she had wondered around Grimmauld Place like a ghost. She did not chat with Sirius. She said the minimal to Remus. He, being the intuitive man that he was, guessed her feelings and kept the peace by keeping up a facade that she was not feeling well. She went along with it, saying that she was suffering from a mild form of Doxy flu.

The only people that she talked to were the boys and Snape.

Harry was too caught up in Ginny's pregnancy to notice the mood decline in his friend. Ron had always been dense when it came to things like this, so he did not notice either. It was easy keeping her distance from Mrs. Weasley and the others because they too, were busy with preparations for Ginny's baby shower, which was going to take place at Grimmauld Place, much to Molly and Sirius's delight. Hermione kept away from the preparations by feigning sick and not wanting to infect anyone.

With Snape, things were like they usually were. Hermione did not have to use her excuse of illness with him They worked together brewing, never saying much. They broke apart for lunch and then resumed working. Their time together flowed like a smooth schedule of water. Preparations, instruction and brewing. Pay at the end of the week. Weekends were usually kept free. Hermione guessed that much of that time was devoted to spy work. She had never asked and he never volunteered information of that sort.

Hermione wondered why this revelation bothered her so much. She knew that she did not love Remus nor he her when they entered this contract of marriage. Furthermore, she understood that there were reasons behind their marrying. She was marrying him so that he would be protected and she would not be forced to marry some bloody Death Eater! She knew better than to expect sonnets or love songs.

Still it hurt to know that the man she married, the man that she slept with, the one who gave her his name, was in love with another woman. Furthermore, his secret other self, his wolf, was bonded for life to Tonks. Forever. Talk about a double blow.

Still, it was with a heavy heart that she allowed herself to go on auto drive where her life was concerned. It got her by with everything except brewing with Snape. One day, she let her mind wander too far, following the intricacies of Tonk's and Remus's relationship to lead her to a meadow of dazed confusion as as she foolishly let the edge of her robe catch fire.

As usual Snape saw it before she did. With a furious flick of his wand, the flame was out. Hermione gasped in shock and relief.

The damage was minimal. Thankfully she did not burn her skin or even singe her hair. She always wore it back in a bun. The sleeve of her robe was done for though. It was too burnt to repair and a patch would have been awkward.

"I do not pay you to set yourself on fire, Granger," Snape said angrily. "Pay attention!"

"Sorry," Hermione muttered, going back to what she was doing. Looking at her work, she knew she would have to start all over. The timing of the stirring was off. The potion could not continue. She had wasted a large amount of ingredients. And all for the mistake that a First year would have made!

She finished the day with her attention more focused, but inwardly she was still troubled. She had let this matter go too far. It was affecting her work. For once she was glad that she was not allowed at the Auror Academy. Such sloppiness was unheard of for Hermione. If anyone knew the cause for half-witted state she was in, she would be ashamed.

When she left for Grimmauld Place, she was determined to act more cheerful. Merlin knew that her marital problems were not at the forefront of the Wizarding World's problems in terms of seriousness. She had much to be thankful for. Everyone that she knew, as of now, was still alive. Harry would beat Voldermort when the time came and everything would be more or less alright.

Except she would still be married to Remus.

And he would probably never love her.

"Hermione, love come look at the baby shower directions," Sirius shouted from the kitchen. Looking longingly at the direction of the shower, Hermione went unwillingly into the kitchen.

Sirius was holding up a bunch of paper yellow baby booties.

"Those for Ginny?"

"Yes, aren't they adorable?" Sirius asked with a grin.

"I never thought you would say that word Sirius," Hermione said cheekily.

"Yes, me neither, but I'm so bloody excited." He looked excited, with his eyes shinning brightly like a boy's. His cheeks held a faint blush. This was his Godson's first baby. A new generation of Potters. Twins ran in Ginny's family, so there would be the possibility of double joy this time around. Sirius was over the moon.

"Are you feeling better Hermione? Remus told me you had the Doxy flu."

"Yes. I took some Pepper-up potion at Hogwarts. I feel much better."

"Brewing some of it today, huh?"

"Yes, how could you tell?"

"You reek of peppermint, love." Hermione sniffed her robes but came back with nothing.

"I had no idea. Funny. We did use a great deal of Pepper mint. I am beginning to think that you spend too much time in your Animangus form."

"My nose is always keen now," Sirius said. He set down the decorations. "I can smell emotions too you know, especially when they are strong. Love, lust, sadness." Hermione looked at him with her brown eyes.

"Can you?" she said.

"Yes and I have been smelling sadness from you for a very long time. This past week you smelled like wet dandelions."  
"Wet dandelions? I had no idea that emotions smelled like weeds. You've gone flaky Sirius. Soon you will be telling me that you are dating Trelawney."

"Only in my worst nightmares. She was like an overdecorated Christmas bulb when I was there at Hogwarts. I don't think she's improved with age," Sirius said, shuddering."Now seriously, Hermione, what's bothering you?"

"Oh nothing I suppose."

"Come off it and tell me!"

"Sirius, are we friends?" Sirius frowned, "Come upstairs, we can talk in private."

"It better be only talking, Black," Hermione warned.

"You wound my soul with such insinuations,"Sirius said, grabbing her hand and pulling her upstairs. "We would be more private in my room."  
"Black, this better be all talk," Hermione muttered.

They walked into Sirius's room and closed the door. Immediately, Hermione was put into mind the late night girl chats that she would share with Ginny in her little bedroom at the Burrow. A part of her wanted to giggle at the thought of her and Sirius Black sharing a girl moment. But another part of her righted with seriousness.

Oh Merlin, she was reduced to talking with Sirius about her...love life.

Sirius offered her the bed while he took a seat in one of the damask arm chairs that stood in one of the corners. A peeling poster of a muggle model wearing a bikini stood behind him.

"A relic from my past," he said when he caught Hermione gazing at it.

"Indeed."

"So what is the matter love?"

"It seems since this marriage began I have been telling you my problems. How do I know you won't use them against me?"

"Hermione, I know we've had our up's and down's..."

"You attacked me with an Imperius," Hermione reminded him. Sirius looked abashed.

Raising his hands, "I'm sorry about that Hermione, I truly am."

"What was your reasoning? Really Sirius?"

"I can only say that I was...well I was worried that you were going to go off with...Snape." He said this rather hurriedly, as if he were afraid that Hermione would send the infamous canary squad against him.

"What does he have to do with this?"

"More than you know. I see how he looks at you during Order Meetings when he thinks no one is watching."

"I can't believe this," Hermione muttered, putting her head in her hands. "I am married to your best friend, Sirius. Not to Snape."

"I'm just looking out for my best friend's interests."

"How do you know if it's in his best interests for me to be ...erghh!" Hermione gave a small scream of frustration and stood up and began to pace the room. "I don't know why I am talking to you like this," she muttered. "I don't think you can be trusted. Oh why did I do this to myself. He does not love me, never will..." Her pacing increased. Sirius watched her like he would a caged lion.

"Hermione love, slow down," Sirius said, trying to calm her. He would have risen from his chair but Hermione grabbed her wand from her sleeve and pointed it at him.

"Stay where you are," she said.

"Hermione, I only want to help you," Sirius said earnestly.

"I think you would only help me if it was for the benefit of Remus," Hermione said heatedly. She was feeling her throat constrict, the signs of a good cry coming on her.

"Hermione I would help you for the merit of yourself. I care for you, Hermione."

"That's what he said too," Hermione looked at the wall where the muggle stood. "That's what he said too, but he does not love me."

"Snape?"

"Remus."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked carefully, his eyes gone blank.

"He loves Dora. His wolf is mated to Dora. He told me. Remember how you said that Werewolves mated for life? We'll it appears that his choose Dora before we were married."

"Did Remus know this?"

"He said he didn't. He didn't think that the wolf side of him choose her. He was waiting for something to happen after we were married but nothing ever did."

"Hermione, you know that the wolf is only a part of Remus. It's just one side of him. There is still the man," Sirius said, trying to find reason in this mess of feelings.

"The man does not want me either," Hermione said sadly. "This is all stupid. Me getting upset over this. Me getting sad over this. I knew before we were married. I knew that I did not love him, and he did not love me. But I did not realize that he never could. There is nothing in Remus that a Witch couldn't grow to love over time. And believe me we have time, wizarding marriages are as good as forever. But it will never happen."

"I will talk to him," Sirius reassured her, "He will listen to me."

"You can't, " Hermione said. "In fact you won't. Do not interfere, Sirius. I'm warning you"

"But Hermione..."

"Don't! I couldn't bear it. Promise me."

"Why Hermione?"

"Because I think he is happy with her," she said. Sirius eyes widened.

"Dora? He is with her?"

Hermione nodded.

"Merlin!" Sirius exclaimed angrily.

"Don't say a word."

"Hermione, I will do my best to make this work. Whatever it takes," Sirius assured her.

Hermione shrugged. "Just please don't say anything to him." She put her wand back in her sleeve. Sirius got up slowly.

"I'll be fine,"she said. "Ill hold up my end of the bargain." Sirius regarded her helplessly for a moment.

"Anything you need," he told her, "Anything at all."

"Thank you," she said.

…...

Hermione sat in the circle of chairs, feeling out of place. It was the day of the Potter's baby shower.

Ginny Potter sat in the middle of the circle. Open gift boxes littered the floor beside her. Mrs. Weasley sat next to her daughter, writing down the names of who gave what so that Ginny could write Thank You cards to them.

So far she had received a toy broom, nappies, bottles, charmed spoons and bibs as well as a mountain of clothes and sweaters.

Hermione had given Ginny a sage green wooden bassinet, decorated with dark green ribbons and white lace.

Everyone from the Order was there, except Snape of course. Even Hagrid was there, sitting on two chairs that had been magically welded together. He had given Ginny a wooden cradle that rocked. He told them that he had whittled it himself out a tree from the Forbidden Forest.

Harry sat with the men in one part of the room, happily watching his wife open gifts for their child. Sirius had provided a spread of food as well an impressive array of fine liquors and alcohol for the men to drink while the Witche's played games and opened presents. The wizards played Exploding Snap.

Hermione longed to go join the man table and grab a drink made from Sirius's strongest stuff. But she couldn't. She had to sit here with the women, in the circle of fecundity.

Everyone was laughing and chattering about the upcoming baby. It was a time of celebration and joy. Everyone was feeling the festive air except Hermione.

"Hermione, I just love the basket you gave me!" Ginny exclaimed when she opened Hermione's gift. Hermione gave the witch a small smile.

"I found it in Diagon Alley. I thought the green would match it's eyes." Ginny smiled.

"I hope the baby has Harry's eyes," Ginny said, rubbing her stomach.

"What was that, love?" Harry yelled from the man's table.

Ginny grinned. "I said I hope the baby has your eyes!" she yelled back. Minerva and Molly chuckled.

"I don't care. I hope they are brown like yours!" Harry yelled.

"Men," Ginny scoffed. "I always wanted green eyes. It would have went so well with my hair."

"I wouldn't mind brown eyes, myself," Hermione commented.

"For your baby, then, it would be Remus's grey eyes," Ginny told her friend. Hermione shrugged pleasantly.

"Perhaps," she said.

"We'll it will be for mine," Tonks offered.

Hermione and Ginny stared at her.

"I beg your pardon?" Ginny asked. She said this in a loud voice. Everyone in the room was now looking at the circle of Witches.

"I'm pregnant."

"With who?" Molly sputtered. Minerva looked at the pink haired witch.

"With Remus," she said.

"What?" Ginny gasped.

"Ginny dear, don't get over excited," Molly begged, sending a scathing look of hate at Tonks.

"What's the matter with Ginny?" Harry called coming over.

"Nothing, I am fine. It's Hermione," Ginny insisted.

Hermione sat in her chair looking quite pale and ill.

"You are pregnant?" she asked Tonks through numb lips.

Tonks nodded at her.

"I thought you should know," she said.

"But we are married," she said.

"We both know what kind of a marriage this is," Tonks said reasonably.

"Hermione, what's wrong?" Harry asked standing in front of his friend.

"That harlot says she is pregnant with Remus's child!" Ginny spat. Fred and George dropped the Exploding Snap game and it hit the floor with a loud crash. Both their mouths were open.

"We are married," Hermione repeated. "I am Mrs. Hermione Lupin. Wizarding Marriages are for life."

"And so they are," Tonks said.

"I hardly think this is the time or the place to do this, young woman," Minerva said, seething at Tonks. "This is a private matter."

"Remus?" Hermione said. Remus came slowly forward. He and Tonks exchanged a look. "Remus, what is she saying? What does she mean?"

"I'm so sorry, Hermione," Remus kneeled down in front of Hermione's chair. "I did not know that she was going to say this in front of everyone. I was planning on telling you later. I just found out myself."

"Mooney, mate, how could you do this today? In front of everyone. Couldn't you have told your Witch to lay off until everyone left?"Sirius said, coming forward as well.

"Please, everyone, I am fine," Hermione insisted. "Don't let this take away from the day."

"Nonsense," Ginny growled. "Harry, tell her to leave. Tell them both to go."

"It's not a big deal,"Hermione insisted again.

Ginny Potter stood up and walked over to Tonks. Drawing out her wand, she pointed it at Tonk's throat. "You are lucky you are pregnant, Witch. If indeed you are, however I am giving you ten seconds to gather your things and leave. You are not welcome in my home or the Burrow any longer."

Tonks held her hand out to Remus. He took it, telling Hermione that he would be back later to explain things.

Together they left out the front door.

Hermione was immediately bombarded with questions from all sides.

"My dear, how are you? Do you want some tea?" Molly asked anxiously, coming up to give her a hug.

"I'm fine Molly," Hermione said.

"Give her some tea with a little brandy in it," Sirius advised. Molly went off to the kitchen.

"Merlin, Hermione, is there anything that you want me to do? Call Remus out?"This was from Harry.

"No Harry, don't be silly," Hermione said. "I'm so embarrassed that this is in the open. Like Minerva said, this should have been a private matter."

"What are you going to do?" Ginny insisted.

"What can I do? Minerva?" Hermione asked, looking at her old Professor.

"This does not break your marriage bond," Professor McGonagall said evenly.

"What does it mean, though? What does it mean that she is having his child?"Hermione wanted to know. Molly came in with her tea. Minerva looked helplessly at Molly. Molly nodded and took the lead in the conversation.

"My dear, even in the Wizarding World there are indiscretions and children born out of wedlock. If Nymphadora says she is pregnant and it is true, well, she will be having Remus's child."

"It won't be a legitimate child," Minerva told Hermione. "She can choose to give him his father's last name, or not."  
"The child would not usurp your own, if you and Remus decide to have children," Molly said.

"Thank you for telling me this. Thank you Ginny for sticking up for me." Ginny smiled at her friend.

"It's the least I can do, short of having Ron murder him," she said.

"Remus is endangering you by flaunting this indiscretion," Minerva said worriedly.

"I will talk to him, "Sirius said. "Whatever happens, you can stay here, Hermione. I will support you financially, and I will protect you as well."

"I have my job with Severus, Sirius. I do not plan on going anywhere. There is a war going on. Where would I go?"


	18. Chapter 18

*Wah…I wish I could write all the time, but Law School is the only way open to me to ensure that I won't starve in the future. I had wrote out this chapter previously but somehow it got erased, so I had to wait until the weekend when I had a night off to re-write. BTW I just read a lovely fanfic in Ashwinder. It is called "Just Let it Happen". Excellent story. On with the show.

"Where would I go?" Hermione murmured to herself as she looked around the room that she and Remus had shared one last time before she left it to go habitate the spare bedroom that stood at the other end of the house.

It was almost empty. Hermione had spent all afternoon packing her things away and charming them into boxes. After the baby shower fiasco, Sirius had gallantly offered Hermione a room for herself. Although he was eager for the couple to mend their fences, even Sirius knew that this was indeed the worst of times to push his luck. So he uncharacteristically said nothing except that the room was hers, if she wanted it. Remus had vanished with Tonks after the baby shower, so there was no verbal confrontation or discussion about leaving the room. Hermione knew that he wouldn't mind anyways.

Hermione looked sadly around the room, noting with great sorrow and a bit of irony that even with her things in it, the room had seemed empty. Even the things that she and Remus had shared, like the bed and the dresser, seemed sterile and empty.

Empty and sterile analogized her marriage.

Closing the door, Hermione took out her wand and levitated her trunk and her stacks of books. She used the gentlest spell that she knew as she walked carefully along the carpeted hallways of Grimmauld Place. She was determined that none of her precious books would be harmed.

"Oomph!" Hermione stumbled and her trunk and books dropped on the floor with a loud thud. Hermione whirled around to the person that stumbled into her from behind.

"Sirius! I could hex you!" she said exasperatedly.

Sirius smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, Love. I was following you to see if you needed some help."

Hermione gestured to her books and trunk angrily. "This was _your_ doing, not mine. I'm an Auror in training. Surely I know how to levitate a few books and a trunk?" She shook her head angrily and began the process of raising the books and the trunk off the floor. Sirius aimed his wand at her trunk and it rose slowly in the air.

"Thank you" Hermione said ungraciously as she began to stack her precious books into a pile once more. They walked to her new bedroom in silence.

"I would like my trunk in the corner please" Hermione said, and without looking at him, she began to arrange her books neatly into two piles on the empty desk that stood in the middle of the room, against the wall.

"I hope you like your new room" Sirius said. "I had Kreacher give it a good going over. Terribly dusty before." Hermione glanced around the room quickly.

"It will do nicely thank you." Hermione began muttering a charm under her breath. The books began to arrange themselves in alphabetical order.

"You know, Hermione…" Sirius began slowly, "I hope you know this means that nothing really changes."

"I beg your pardon?" Hermione asked. She had finished with her books and now she turned to glare at Sirius.

"You're staying here and all." Hermione's brow furrowed. This was _so_ typical Sirius behavior. Well she knew that it was coming. His tact couldn't last more than a day at most.

"I see."

"It's not safe for you to leave, Hermione. There are Death Eaters swarming all over in the open now. You and Harry, as well as Ron are at the top of their lists."

"Really? I had no idea "Hermione muttered sarcastically as she moved towards her trunk. Opening it, she began to dig through the stacks of clothing, searching for something. She grabbed a red cloak that was laying at the bottom.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked, he stood near the door, almost blocking it. Hermione gave him a measured look.

"I don't know" she told him honestly, fastening the clasp and pulling the hood over her head.

"Let me come with you!" Sirius said.

"I don't need your protection Sirius."

"Hermione" Sirius said, now frowning, and very much blocking the doorway. "You don't. seem to realize…"

"Oh but I do, Sirius. Perhaps if you would like to talk to someone about death eaters and the implications of safety, etc, etc, try Remus. He is the one flaunting his paramour and our apparent sham of a marriage to the Ministry and merlin knows how many death eaters."

"Regardless, Hermione, let me come with you" Sirius pleaded.

Hermione sighed and raised her arm. "Stupify!" she said. Sirius crumbled to the ground. Hermione stepped over him carefully.

"I will tell Kreacher to eneverate you in a few minutes. You needn't worry so much about me Sirius. Despite the academy being closed, I have kept up with my training." She managed a saucy grin despite herself. Although Sirius's eyes were still, Hermione detected his anger. For his sake, she kept her laughter to herself as she stepped out of the room and away to the kitchen.

After notifying Kreacher, and being _very_ specific about when to enerevate Sirius, Hermione walked to the steps of Grimmauld Place and Apapperated.

She knew Sirius's warnings were correct. She couldn't wander Diagon Alley by herself. She could not go to her favorite book shops and browse the shelves in relative safety. Unless she glamoured herself, every witch and wizard in Britain knew her face.

So she went to only place that she could go, Hogwarts.

She appeared on a grassy knoll, some distance from the castle. She knew that she could go to the library and wander through the restricted section, but this was the weekend. Students were bound to be there in droves studying.

Hermione shivered and breathed into the air. Her breath turned white. It was chilly even for the season. This was probably the reason why no students were loitering about. It was turning too cold out.

Hermione looked upwards. The sky was an overcast grey. The lake did not reflect anything and appeared to be a dull slate grey. Even Hagrids hut appeared to be empty with no lazy curl of smoke coming from its chimney.  
Hermione had a sudden chilling thought. This was how it would be if the Voldermort won. The world would be dark and grey. There would be no laughter or spontaneity. Just this cold, death like hush.

Hermione shook her head. The day was already gloomy enough, as was her life, she did not need to add to it with these morbid thoughts of "what if's".

Tightening her cloak around her shoulders, Hermione slowly headed into the Forbidden Forest.

She knew that the forest was dangerous. Everyone at Hogwarts knew that the forest was dangerous, but still students went exploring. Hermione bit the inside of her cheek remembering the times she, Harry and Ron had gone "exploring" into the forest. Still, Hermione knew that not all parts of the forest were as dangerous as some. That is, there were some better parts of the forest, considerably less dangerous than other areas. Hermione remembered a little grove of trees were the baby unicorns gathered. Hagrid had shown it to them in their fifth year after Professor Grubbyplank had made all the girls fall in love with them in their third year.

Hermione decided that she would not mind seeing them again. Unicorns had a very soothing presence.

Hermione guessed that the grove did not lie very far into the forest, if her memory served her right. Still, she took the greatest caution as she walked through the tall trees. It was very silent, and the only sounds were the soft noise of Hermione's trainers against the dirt and pine needle carpet of the forest floor.

Hermione thought it was strange that she did not hear even the sound of a whipperwhirl or a raven. Even though the Forest was Forbidden, it was teeming with life. Usually it was with the life of some _very_ ferocious beasts but still. There should have been some sort of noise.

Deciding to be on the safe side, Hermione cast a disillusionment charm on herself. It was not the equal of Harry's cloak, but it was good enough so that anybody couldn't see her without actually looking for _her_.

Hermione crept slowly along, trying to keep the nervousness that was creeping into her at bay. Suddenly, this little escapade into the forest did not seem like the brightest get away.

A twig snapped.

Hermione's head shot up like a startled deer. She stood, tensed to run if need be. Her wand was gripped tightly in her hand. She strained her ears, trying to decide where the sound was coming from. She couldn't. The great canopy of trees overhead created the strangest acoustics so she couldn't be sure where the noise came from.

Another twig snapped, this time it was louder. Hermione was startled into action. Without thinking about it she began running, back, in the direction that she had come from. Her feet flying beneath her.

For the second time that day, a person collided into her. She went flying. Her concentration was lost and the disillusionment charm disappeared.

Hermione coughed and quickly got up from the ground. She felt like she had a leaf in her throat. Her knees were covered in dirt and pine needles.

She whirled around, her wand preparing to cast a hex .

It was Snape! He was looking at her with a sour expression. His wand was out as well. Hermione thanked her lucky stars that he did not hex her. She would have hated to be at the receiving end of his hex. They were vicious.

"Bloody hell, Granger!" Snape growled. His lank greasy hair sported some random pine needles. They were most likely from her.

"I'm so sorry" Hermione gasped, lowering her wand. Snape snorted.

"Do you ever look where you are going?" he asked darkly. Hermione noticed that were several wicker baskets on the ground. He must have been gathering ingredients for potions. She had knocked some of them over in her rush to get away.

"I heard a noise."

"Did you? Are you sure it wasn't the pinging of your brain telling you it had decided to quit and go on holiday? Granger, are you daft? What are you doing running like some nitwit school girl through the woods?" Snape sneered down at her. Hermione did her best not to fidget. She brushed some pine needles off her cloak.

"I was on my way to the Unicorn grove and then I heard a noise…" she glanced quickly at Snape. He rolled his eyes.

"Things make noises in Forests, Granger. It's not unheard of."

"It was so quiet earlier, it startled me."

Snape raised his wand. His tone turned from annoyance to caution.

"Did it sound human? "he asked.

"I thought it was you" Hermione breathed. Snape shook his head.

"Don't be foolish. I know better than to make noise in the forest alone." He quickly glanced around them.

"Are you alone?" he asked.

"Obviously" Hermione said with some bite. Snape looked at her.

"I did not know if your _husband_ was with you" he said, his lip curling into a sneer. Hermione looked at him.

"No. He is not."

"Fine, let us go then." He drew back his sleeves, never lowering his wand and set off in the direction towards the castle.

"What about your baskets?" Hermione said. He did not answer or look back. Hermione scrambled to keep up with him. She kept her wand out.


	19. Chapter 19

*Sorry for the long delay guys. Law School. You know the place where fun goes to die…well it leaves little time for writing, I mean about Harry Potter. Unless Harry committed a tort or a breach of contract, or adversely possessed Hogwarts…lol. You get what I mean. Enjoy.

Hermione followed Snape further into the forest. She looked quickly over her shoulder every few seconds, determined to spot whoever it was that was making the noise.

Hermione's heart was pounding from the rapid walking and the shot of adrenaline that was coursing through her blood, but she was unafraid. One of the strongest, albeit darkest, wizards of her time was standing before her. Hermione knew that if it was within his power, he would protect her.

She was comforted. She decided that she had never felt safer in her life.

Snape set a fast pace. He never slowed down, not even when Hermione stumbled in her long robes over patches of rough sod and bushes of weeds.

They had left the main path. Hermione guessed that whoever it was in the Forbidden Forest would readily be looking for someone on the main path. Hermione hoped that it wasn't large spiders. She would rather face a group of death eaters than stare down one of those hairy spiders that Hagrid was so fond of.

Just as she was entertaining this thought, a splicing hex came out of nowhere and hit one of the sides of the trees that surrounded them. Hermione gasped and spun around.

The sun was setting and the light was leaving the trees. Hermione considered casting a lumos spell but then understood that whoever it was that was out there would see them. It was better to fight in the near dark.

Snape never said anything to her. He glanced towards the direction that they had walked from. His hand gripped his wand tightly. For several seconds they stood together in near silence. Then suddenly he walked over to Hermione and grasped her arm.

"When I tell you to run, run. Don't look back and don't wait for me. Find some way to get back to the castle." His whisper was hoarse and his eyes were fierce.

Hermione gaped at him. She was an Auror in training. She would stand with him! She wasn't going to run away and hide.

"I'm staying with you!" She whispered back, just as fierce. Snape's eyes darkened.

"When I tell you something Granger…" his voice stopped as a whizzing bolt of red light streamed towards them. Hermione was pushed roughly to the ground. Snape landed almost on top of her.

"Run!" he yelled into her ear. Snape rolled off her and jumped to his feet. Hermione was prodded forward by a rough hand.

Once again she did not run. She got to her feet and went to stand by Snape. Her wand was grasped in her hand and ready. Without glancing at her, Snape muttered something under his breath and a huge ray of green light burst from the tip of his wand. It severed into several different rays of light. The light reminded Hermione of the color the wand cast when someone used Avada heard several screams of pain.

"Quickly!" Snape yelled. Hermione grabbed Snape's arm and pulled him with her as he run. Together, they traveled through the trees, running swiftly like deer. Hermione ran for all her worth. They heard shouting and commotion behind them but they did not look back.

Snape suddenly stopped. Hermione tried to quiet her heavy breathing. He put his finger to his lips and pulled her to him. Leaning up against a tree, Snape cast a quick dillusionment charm. He folded his robes over her, encasing her like a butterfly. Hermione tried to still her body to match Snape's. His body was utterly still, like death.

The voices came closer. Hermione closed her eyes and put her faith in the strength of Snape's charm.

"They went this way" a muffled voice said. Hermione did not open her eyes but she knew that the death eater's mask was muffling the voice of whoever stood near.

"Damm shame that we don't have Greyback. He would have sniffed her out." Somebody, another voice, gave a dark chuckle. Hermione, to her shame, felt her stomach recoil in fear.

"And left nothing to be sure."

"Come, we have to search for them. They could not have gone far."

Hermione heard leaves crackle and twigs snap as the voices moved away. Snape's arms, which were like bands of iron, were still tightened around her. Hermione took the cue to not move. It seemed as if she held her breath and her body still for an eternity. At last Snape let her go.

"Come" was all he said. He held out his hand to her.

Hermione stared at him.

"We are appaparating" he told her. She took his hand quickly, embarrassed that her thoughts betrayed her. For a moment she had thought that Snape was making a gesture of affection. True, it would have occurred after a particularly harring moment, but those were the best were they not?

Hermione took his hand and closed her eyes once more as she felt the tug of side apparition. Snape, as usual was quick with his work. The Death Eaters, whoever they were, no doubt would hear the sound of their apparition and would hasten to cast a detection charm.

Hermione knew that Hogwarts was off limits to them, and she could not imagine them going to Grimmauld Place. Therefore there was only once place that she could think of that they would go.

Spinners End.

When they apparated onto the grey stone pathway of Spinner's End, Hermione barely got time to catch her breath as she was pulled along up the path to the house. Severus had his wand out still and was casting spells and muttering under his breath. Hermione thought that she heard the unplottable charm.

Snape fairly pulled her into the house. Once they were standing in the foyer and Severus had shut and warded the door did Hermione take a measuring look around. The house was old and dusty. Hermione thought that it was in worse repair than Grimmauld Place. But this was not the ancestral home of a Pure Blood Wizard. This was Snape's childhood home.

It was dismal to say the least.

"Give me your wand, Granger" Snape commanded. Hermione's eyes went wide.

"My wand?"

"Yes" Snape said, rolling his eyes in impatience. "I don't have all night girl, give it to me." Hermione fumbled in her robes and pulled it out and gave it to him. Snape took it and touched the end to his wand. Somehow, a spark was emitted.

"The wards recognize you now. You can unlock the doors in the house." He gave the wand back to her.

"Thank you" Hermione mumbled. Snape looked at the ground.

"We have much to discuss. The incident that just occurred…"

"It was no coincidence then…that they knew it was us?"

"You realize that?" Snape's eyes were suddenly trained and focused on Hermione. Hermione nodded and swallowed.

"They said us. They weren't just looking for me."

"My cover, it seems is ruined" was all that Snape said. Hermione thought that he didn't look particularly bothered.

"Come" Snape's robes moved as he walked to where Hermione guessed was the sitting room.

Snape went to a cabinet and pulled out a bottle of fire whiskey. He poured some into a glass and took it swiftly. He offered the bottle to Hermione who took it and drank directly from the bottle.

Gasping, she placed the bottle on one of the dusty end tables.

"Did what just happened….well was it what I think happened?" Hermione asked, her face flushed.

"You mean that you did not even use a glass, Granger?" Snape asked dryly as he took a seat on a ratty recliner chair. Hermione shook her head.

"You know what I mean! Don't be so crass. The Dark Lord found out about you. I mean, I know that I was a target but you? Who ratted you out?"

"Spoken like a true layman" Snape said. He used his wand to levitate the bottle closer to him. He helped himself to another drink.

"No need to be coy, Severus. Your position among the Death Eaters was a celebrated fact at Order Meetings. It was a winning point to the Light just how close you were to the Dark Lord. Who betrayed you?"

Severus sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"Just how long do you think my position would have lasted? I have been playing both sides since Potter was a wee brat. Just how long did you think it was going to last this perfect little situation of mine? Sooner or later, it had to end." Severus looked out into the room, not seeing Hermione, at last betraying his dejected state.

"What now?" Hermione asked. She took a seat on a sagging love chair.

"That depends on the Government. If the Light can overthrow the new Minister of Magic, I can be open in my rebellion, if not…I am stuck in hiding."

"I don't understand, Severus. You were so good at what you did, how did you slip…?" Hermione asked. She was troubled for her old lover. She knew that this could be the beginning of the end for him.

"They knew it seemed, of my feelings for you."

"I beg your pardon?"

Severus sighed again and painful grimace spread across his face.

"They had asked me to kill Lupin."

"When?" Hermione asked.

Snape screwed up his face as if he were tasting something both bitter and sour.

"When he married you."

"And you didn't."

"Obviously." Snape sighed and tapped his wand against his glass. It refilled with fire whiskey. He took a long draught.

"I could not leave the newly Mrs. Lupin a widow, so it was assumed that I cared for you, along with associating with the Light. My true intentions were diverged."

"All because you would not kill Remus" Hermione whispered. "How noble of you Severus."

Snape slammed his glass down, making Hermione jump.

"Don't be a fool, Granger. Do you think that I refrained from killing Lupin because I wanted to be noble? How pathetic! There hasn't been a single night that goes by that I don't dream of killing that mongrel. But I did it so that you would be protected. Whatever protection you had by being married to that Mutt, I ensured that you didn't lose it by being married to some Death Eater like Mcnair or Malfoy."

Hermione was silent. She could feel tears of frustration and tiredness building up. Everything that they had worked for, everything that she had lost, including him, was all for nothing.

"I would have married you" Was all that she could get out. "I would have married you, Severus. A lone tear slid down her cheek and she hastened to sweep it away.

Before she could, she heard the clink of a glass being set down and the sweeping of robes. Suddenly she was being lifted up by strong arms. The grip was painful, bruisngly so. Amber eyes met black. His lips came down upon hers, and Hermione was lost to the world as she succumbed to the embrace of her true lover.


	20. Chapter 20

"A Change is going to come ~ Sam Cooke"

Hermione cast her ring onto the floor. It was a careless act.

The band was too large anyways. Hermione had noticed that when she was not taking care, it would threaten to fall off her finger. She promised herself, until she found a way to alter the band, she would be cautious and check to make sure it was still there. Remus used his pitiful savings to purchase the ring. Therefore, Hermione lost many seconds out of the day, twisting the ring around her finger, making sure that it was still there. Still on her finger.

Kissing Snape made her forget. The ring fell to the floor when Hermione grasped Snape's head to deepen the kiss.

It made a small _clinking_ sound when it hit the wooden floor. Neither of them heard it. They were too enraptured in each other.

At last Hermione found what she had been missing since she married Remus. She found heat and satisfaction. It did not matter that Snape was almost cruel in his affection towards her. Her muscles were burning with the effort to hold up her body to his. His hands, his long fingers, dug deep into the tender skin of her upper arms. Hermione was sure that he was bruising her, but it did not matter.

It was Snape that broke the kiss first.

His eyes looked around the sitting room. It was a room full of books and dusty furniture. Furniture that was worn through to the springs. Everything tattered and grey.

"I apologize for the state of my home. It pleased the Dark Lord that I did not live like Lucius Malfoy." Snape said this bitterly. This surprised Hermione. She never thought that galleons mattered to him.

"It doesn't matter" she mumbled. She tugged on his hair gently, bringing his attention back to her. "We could be in a hovel and I wouldn't care."

"The Shrieking Shack?" Snape said dryly. His face formed a harsh grin. In the shallow light of the room, Hermione saw that his skin was a sallow yellow. His hair was dark and lank from being unwashed. His prominent nose stood out in sharp relief from the rest of his face. Hermione knew that Severus Snape was not a handsome man, but in that moment, her ached from the sight of him.

"Anywhere" she breathed. Snape nodded slowly.

"Anywhere" he agreed. His dark eyes held an emotion that Hermione had never seen before. It bordered on affection and something deeper than concern. Hermione's heart whispered that it was love. Unspoken, but strong.

She did not voice this thought aloud. It was too precious for words. Hermione knew that if it was important, he would say it. But for now, it was enough that she knew he felt it.

"What do we do now?" Hermione asked. She lowered her heels to the ground and brushed back hanks of her hair that had come forward into her face.

"With what?" Snape asked softly.

"This. You, me. The Dark Lord"

Hermione did not dare voice his name aloud.

"You were always the apt pupil Granger." The moment was broken by all sorts of unspoken realities. Snape resigned himself to the business at hand.

Snape gently pushed Hermione into a chair. He seated himself again and summoned the Fire Whiskey again. He offered some to Hermione but she shook her head.

"I've had enough."

"I haven't." He drank deeply from his glass. Hermione waited impatiently for what he had to say with ill grace.

"Where do we go from here?" Hermione asked. Snape looked at her with sardonic eyes.

"How do you feel about Lupin?"

"What?" she sputtered.

"How do you feel about that dog that that you live with? That animal that you share a bed with?"

"I don't see how this matters!" she protested hotly, tossing her head. Snape took another drink.

"How do you feel about him? Leaving him to his own fate?"

"You mean letting him die?" Hermione's voice was shrill.

"It wouldn't be your fault" Snape told her evenly. He set down his glass and came forward, getting down to kneel in front of Hermione's chair.

"Come away with me. My cover is gone. I am no use to either side now that I can longer spy on the Dark Lord. Come away with me. Leave the dog to his own fate. He choose Nymphadora." Snape's voice was pleading.

"And leave Harry? The Order?" Hermione breathed. "I couldn't live with myself!"

"I've seen what's really going on, Hermione. The Light doesn't stand a chance now. The Dark Lord is stronger than ever. More than likely, he will win. All will be lost."

"Severus, we must stay. Don't you see…?" Hermione's hair fell into her face once more. Impatiently she shrugged it back.

"I've never held your muggle upbringing against you until now. It is_ you_ who doesn't see. Whatever protection you managed to get by staying married to that beast is gone. Your marriage is a sham. Everyone in Diagon is whispering about Lupin's love child. There is no need for you to be with him anymore."

"The Ministry expects me to stay."

"Lupin knew what he was doing when he dragged your name through the mud by being with that Harlot." Spittle was flying from Snape's mouth.

He grabbed the armrest of the chair that Hermione was sitting in and gave it a hard shove. Hermione's teeth clacked together.

"Even though you have lived in our world, you don't understand it, Granger. You are not Narcissa Malfoy. Indiscretions like these mean something when you don't have the gold that Lucius has."

"I can't just leave him there" Hermione protested again. Like a true Lioness, she stood her ground and gave Snape a level gaze. "I'm not a coward."

Snape made a sound of disgust and got up from his kneeling stance.

"You're more of an idiot than I thought you were."

"I know I am," was her quiet response. "I was a fool to marry Remus. But I did it to save him" She folded her hands in her lap and inspected her fingers. "My ring is gone" she said absently.

Severus threw up his hands

"I think you know what it means to do something for someone…so that they can live."

"I cannot, I _won'_t talk about that with you!" Snape's voice shook with anger and sorrow. Hermione shook her head.

"I don't think I would want to hear it. I don't think I _ever_ want to know."

"Then don't ask."

"I don't intend to" Hermione assured him. "I won't leave him, Severus."

"Then you aren't afraid to die" Snape spat. He took the farthest chair from hers and sat in it. His eyes glared at her like she was some foul potions ingredient.

"I'm afraid to live like a coward. But, we can be…whatever it is you want us to be." Her brown eyes pleaded with him from her chair. She longed to go to him. To kiss him again. To make love to him in this decrepit house. "You know that I am only Remus's wife in name."

"I won't carry on in this manner Granger. You must choose. To live with me, or die with that mongrel. I have no room for sheer stupidity in my life."


End file.
